It is barely mentioned these days (given so much other craziness emanating from the White House and its minions 1) that the majority of cabinet posts and close advisers to the president* are all evangelical Christians. The current list:
- Attorney General Jeff Sessions
- Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke
- Secretary of Health & Human Services
Dr. Tom PricePlayer To Be Named Later
- Secretary of Housing & Urban Development Dr. Ben Carson
- Secretary of Transportation Elaine Chao
- Secretary of Energy Rick Perry
- Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos
- Director of the EPA Scott Pruitt
- U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley
- Senior Counselor for Economic Initiatives
Dina PowellANother Player To…
- Director of National Intelligence Dan Coats
- Director of Central Intelligence Mike Pompeo
This is important because a hearty sub-section of evangelical Christians really, really believe there will be a millennium in the future where the actual Jebus returns.
However, this won’t happen without pain, people. There first must be a tribulation, where the actual Christ defeats the actual e-vil. Concurrent with this will be all manner of natural disasters, wars and
Randall Flagg the Antichrist.
It will be “convert or die”, baby, with the unconverted summarily dispatched to the fiery lakes of Hell.
So the president’s recent recognition of Jerusalem being wholly in Israel gladdens the hearts of evangelical Christians, what with that proclamation increasing the chances of an all out war in the Middle East that might, just might mind you, lead to The Battle of Armageddon.
Evangelical Christians hope The Battle of Armageddon slaughters the majority of the Jews in Israel, with the survivors –now converted to Christianity– assisting the rebuilding of the city by a returning baby Jebus.
The rest of us (apparently all suffering from the worst case ever of non-buyers remorse), down to the littlest Kiribati baby girl, will end up killing each other. That will leave only Christians alive. 2
This sick fantasy does not, of course, take into account Israel’s 200+ atomic weapons, combined with their of…how to say this…absolutely zero tolerance of assholes, fools and jackanapes who might desire to wipe them from the face of the earth.
But for evangelical Christians…it’s a good first step.
- The ReThugs in Alabama are set to elect an asshole who’s latest selling point is that he went to a Vietnamese child whore house…but did not partake! Sing hallelujah, praise the lord! ↩
- This is not only the Number 1 thing evangelical Christians want for Christmas, it’s the only thing. Well…unless they can also have a (presumptive) pederast for a United States Senator. ↩