Tag Archives: religious idiocy

Quick Blessings

From BoingBoing:

TitlePatriarch Kirill of the Russian Orthodox Church is a powerful reactionary figure in the country’s toxic political scene, which has welded a tale of thwarted imperial destiny to a thin-skinned fundamentalist theology that can’t bear the slightest sign of mockery; he’s blamed ISIS on secularism and Pride parades and says that marriage equality literally heralds the imminent apocalypse.

So there’s a lot of context behind this photo of Kirill spraying holy water on sensitive Russian government computer systems to fight the Wcry ransomware worm. …the real nexus of this photo is the government official with the “you’ve got to be kidding me” expression, who exists in a power-structure that requires solemn professions of belief in this powerful weirdo’s dumb rituals.

This idiocy happens far more than you would think.

A Russian Orthodox bishop has blessed Russian missiles used in airstrikes. Hell, it seems they’ll bless ANYTHING.

Though, to be fair, the Catholics aren’t far behind. 1

Quick Blessings

Show 1 footnote

  1. Though they save most blessings for money and young kids.

Corpse Disposal

ewcm14rThe guidelines do not represent a change the church’s overall policy on burial and cremation, but rather underline “the doctrinal and pastoral reasons for the preference of the burial of the remains of the faithful and to set out norms pertaining to the conservation of ashes in the case of cremation”…

The newly articulated ash norms include not storing human cremains in the home and refraining from scattering ashes “in the air, on land, at sea or in some other way … in order that every appearance of pantheism, naturalism or nihilism be avoided”…

“The Church raises no doctrinal objections to this practice, since cremation of the deceased’s body does not affect his or her soul,” the guidelines continue, “nor does it prevent God, in his omnipotence, from raising up the deceased body to new life.”

Uh…that bit about not keeping the ashes in your home? We’re good with that. That’s always sort of creeped us out. But not being able to scatter the ashes? Now that’s just weird, as though “god” could not reanimate the deceased unless every single one of his atoms were in physical contact…

So, it of course begs the question, if ‘he’ created man out of nothing why does ‘he’ need ‘something’ to bring a person back to life?

Ah: Should have read further – it’s to avoid “every appearance of pantheism, naturalism or nihilism.” Good to know… 1

Corpse Disposal

Show 1 footnote

  1. Can you hear us laughing? ’cause we are; long and loud.

Bachmann Apocalypse

Michele Bachman is so off the wall batshit insane it’s a wonder anyone reports on her ravings, much less takes them seriously. The fact that she’s ‘advising’ Trump on “religious issues” ought to disqualify the both of them forever from anything in the public arena. But, no…

Former congresswoman and regular predictor of the impending apocalypse Michele Bachmann said in a Friday interview that the 2016 presidential race would be the country’s “last election.”

“I don’t want to be melodramatic but I do want to be truthful,” the evangelical Christian said in an interview on the Christian Broadcasting Network’s “Brody File.” “I believe without a shadow of a doubt this is the last election. This is it. This is the last election.”

Bachmann, who advises Donald Trump on religious issues and foreign policy, explained that demographic change in the United States posed a disadvantage to Republican candidates since the country’s growing share of minority voters were more inclined to vote for Democrats.

Sweet Jebus H. Kerist, from Michele’s dim brain to your holed and petrified corpse, pluleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze make it so – no more elections!

Bachmann Apocalypse

Gohmert: No Gay Space Colonies!

Louie Louie Louie

Worried about the makeup of an interstellar space crew? Dude – that’s such an overreach; you lack sufficient reasoning skills to correctly analyze the current presidential campaign, much less deal with ‘the future of mankind.’ Seriously, go back to your day job of increasing teh stoopid and leave space flight details to the pros. 1

Gohmert: No Gay Space Colonies!

Show 1 footnote

  1. I miss Republicans who weren’t insane.

Kansas Booty Bounty

We recently noted that in an era of unisex bathrooms nearly everywhere, pee-shy North Carolina and Tennessee have cock-blocked transgender individuals from using a facility not in alignment with their birth sex, thereby simultaneously showing their asses to the nation and guaranteeing less jobs for both states. Total win!

Though maybe the whole jobs thing is a wash: sure, PayPal, Mercedes-Benz, Apple, Starbucks, Kellogg’s, Yahoo! and others are taking their high-paying jobs elsewhere due to N.C.’s HB2, but that doesn’t mean the bill won’t create a slew of other work. North Carolina is going to need bathroom inspectors like nobody’s business to properly enforce HB2. You know, people standing around asking to see everyone’s genitals? To make sure, you know? Tons of those jobs will be necessary. And the pay will have to be…what – at least 4 or 5 dollars an hour? Woo-ee! (UPDATE: Looks like a local blog expanded on our thought – fun stuff.)

Meanwhile, out here in Please Fly Over Us! land, and determined not to be out-witted 1 by a couple of insignificant 2 east-coast states, Brownbackistan has put together it’s own Ya Cain’t Pee Here bills,  ( SB 513 and HB 2737), though with a twist.

Always looking to snip off its phallus to spite its national “reputation”, the Kansas legislature crafted both bills such that not only would transgenders be banned from using public school and college facilities of their gender identities, but the bill will also award $2,5000 (via court action) to anyone who sees a transgender person in the “wrong” bathroom.

Why $2,500? To compensate for “all psychological, emotional and physical harm suffered as a result of a violation of this section.” 3

See what they did there? Instead of creating paid bathroom monitor positions –which would cost the state money, money Brownbackistan surely does not have– the state legislature instead turned Joe Blow 4 into rats stoolies Brown-shirts Nazis entrepreneurs, pulling themselves up into wealth, one zipper at a time.

Are you listening North Carolina, Tennessee and Mississippi?

Take a bunch of people off your welfare rolls, give them a spiffy park ranger-like uniform and a whistle, then station them in every public bathroom in your states.

What could possibly go wrong?

Kansas Booty Bounty

Show 4 footnotes

  1. Heh!
  2. Heh!
  3. You’re kidding us, n’est-ce pas? Accidentally seeing someone’s genitals entails psychological, emotional and physical harm? On what fucking planet? Jeez, the country is turning into a bunch of wusses.
  4. Gawd, we hope not! Isn’t that what these bills are trying to avoid!

The Flood

Obama's flood
Snicker. 1 2 3

The Flood

Show 3 footnotes

  1. Not to be a wet blanket, but if we take the predominant Western supernatural figurehead at His word (Genesis 8:21-22), the “fact” is He promised never to do that (the flood thing) again. Which means someone else is responsible. So…whom do you think? Obama? Nah, too easily type-cast, you know. More likely Biden – he’s always smiling like he just ate a canary. Though…now I think of it? It’s the anti-keerist himself: Ted Cruz. Yup, that’s the ticket!
  2. Or Boehner. Maybe that’s why they forced him out…
  3. Unless…maybe it’s Pope Francis, the e-vil motherfucker.