Tag Archives: idee fixe

Homosexual Chemtrail Fire Ants

homosexual-chemtrail-fire-antsFire ants are being laced with homosexual chemtrails and then dumped in neighborhoods with higher per capita rates of Christianity.

The homosexual chemtrail concoction contains a high concentration of gay endorphins.  Sources confirm that several exclusive gay clubs collected the spent sweats of late-night homosexuality, then sent them to a laboratory where in-vitro techniques were used to create this potent new form of biological homosexual chemtrail…

…When placed next to a person who is not homosexual, the ants become restless and aroused, lifting their brightly colored abdominal areas in the air as if in some form of coital temptation, their jaws ravenously snapping toward the flesh of any non-gay person in their proxy…

Various Christian neighborhoods in Texas have been reporting a sharp increase in these chemtrail laced fire ants and the CDC is reporting a higher incidence of homosexuality in Texas.  This is all likely part of Obama’s Jade Helm 1 2 invasion, but the Texas Chapter of the Christian Defense League suggests homeowners spray all of their doorways with bug guard and be vigilant in not becoming victimized by one of these ants.

Sweet Jebus on a crutch, the damned gays are coming for our children! Why else would they do this unless they want these ants to run up to playground and family picnics and bite the children, laying the seeds of homosexuality in their bodies? 3

Homosexual Chemtrail Fire Ants

Show 3 footnotes

  1. Joint Assistance for Deployment Execution Homeland Eradication of Local Militants.
  2. Don’t tell me you forgot Jade Helm? Hell, no less an intellectual heavyweight than Chuck Norris warned America about it!
  3. I’m thinking Thursdays may soon officially become Trolling Thursdays

We Gots da Votes!

So brain-damaged drama queen Sen. Walnuts has returned to WDC for the all important Repeal Obamacare At Any Cost vote. 1

This even though there is no sound reason for believing Sen. Walnuts will actually know what he’s voting for. That may sound cruel but it’s medically viable and –for those paying attention– consistent with his behavior of late. In fact, given the hole Mitch McConnell has dug for himself, I would not put it past him to have strong-armed the old guy into returning even knowing Sen. Walnuts might believe he’s voting to replace Trump via the 25th Amendment.

On the other hand, who can blame him? Today the rest of the ReThugs need 51 votes to begin their final debate on…afain, who the hell knows? Prolly just the motion to proceed. 2  Whatever it is will eventually unleash the kraken. And of course this is McConnell’s last ditch effort to pass something so that OMP doesn’t publicly bitch-slap McConnell’s multiple chins. Again. 3

We’ve no idea how this vote on something will go, but our sense is that what we’ve seen up to this point –ReThugs valiantly standing up and saying “No!” to previous versions of McConnell’s attempts to ass rape everyone– were all merely kabuki, and today an evil will be loosed upon the nation. 4

It wouldn’t hurt to call your senator and explain why this would be a disaster.

We Gots da Votes!

Show 4 footnotes

  1. Gotta tell you – it’s impressive McConnell is willing to kill Sen. Walnuts in order to kill millions more. THTA’S commitment!
  2. If McConnell votes FOR the motion to proceed, but it fails, it’s done. However…that’s not likely – he can count (votes), which is why scrambled eggs for brains Sen. Walnuts was kidnapped and will be tied to the Senate floor.
  3. Fuckin’ pussy to take that from a senile old man; stand up, Mitch! Show some spine…oh, wait. Never mind.
  4. Sen. Walnuts is no more a “maverick” than we are Conan the Barbarian; his rep is all self-sustained. The arrogant fuck gave himself a nickname. Sure, he talks a good game, but ALWAYS votes along party lines. And if you think his coming back to WDC to essentially rob up to 32 million people of their health care, in order to provide a base tax cut for millionaires, is “mavericky”, have we got a Sarah Palin for you!

Speaking of Billboards

Not a globe...Sheesh – talk about your week for billboards…

The Flat Earth Society meets this evening at 6 PM, sponsored by Test The Globe KC. The meeting is being held at Barley’s Kitchen + Tap, at 11924 W 119th St. in OP.

Wondering whether the billboard was just a real life troll, I reached out to Jared Davis, the putative head of Test The Globe KC. Below is the transcript of our brief conversation:

Jared

So…I’m curious about your upcoming event and wanted more details; …was still curious about which scientists would be speaking about the “flat earth” speculation, and what evidence they might be presenting.

Also, I see you have not attended college, and so wondered what scientific evidence convinced you the earth is flat? In fact, where and when did you first hear about the idea?

Thanks in advance for your time.

Nick

Speaking of Billboards...

Hello Nick!

Long story short there is no detectable rotation of the earth, Coriolis effect is a hoax. There is also no detectable curvature on the supposed ball we live on. We are told we can circumnavigate our globe in 24,901M. If that’s the case spherical trigonometry would provide us a formula of 8in of curvature PER mile SQUARED. Also we are told that the horizon line on flat water from eye level is 3miles. But with the help of ocular devices or optics we are able to see ships, shorlines at 10 to even up to 30 miles orso, So start there. Why does the north star never move if we are whobbling whirling and shooting through our solar system at over 66K mph and our solar system moves through the galaxy at over 550K mph but the pyramids are still aligned with orions belt after thousands of years.. Some things to think about. IF you would truly like to learn more I can recommend some good material.

Thank you for your questions Nick.

Speaking of Billboards...

Jared,

All interesting stuff, however…what about millions of hours of video shot from varying spacecraft showing the earth as a globe?

Nick

Speaking of Billboards...

Nick

Im my oppinion its all bogus. We as flat earthers have sent up weather balloons. Over 110K feet up and ZERO curve at all. Horizon rises to eye level. Its all deception.

Ever think of how hard it would be to land an airplane against the rotation of the earth at 1000mph?

Did you know moonlight is cold? I can show you a simple experiments that proves moonlight is cool. Proving its not reflecting the sun

You mentioned science then resort to spacecraft showing earth being round. Im on the ground. And so are you. And with that being said there are plenty of scientific repeatable experiments we can do to prove we are not on a spinning ball.

Jared

Speaking of Billboards...

Jared

So…taking you for your word, then…why does all of earth’s sciences (and scientists) claim the world is a globe. As an add-on, what –in your opinion–is causing “global” climate change? Or is there even such a thing?

Nick

Speaking of Billboards...

Nick

Well for one they are all government scientists. Most of them masters at remembering “information” just to sound smart regurgitating it. As far as climate change ive honestly not looked too much into it. Gravity is a theory and cannot be proven. Density and buoyancy take gravitys place. The big bang is a theory which needs the theory of gravity for it to work. Theories on theories. What i DO know is there is no detectable curvature on our 24,901M sphere NOR is there any detectable movement. As we are told we are spinning on our axis at over 1,000mph

Jared

Speaking of Billboards...

There you have it, one surmise seeking to supplant another: until you actually open the box the cat is both dead AND alive. 1 2

Flat earthers are not as rare as one might suspect, and many of them are beginning to feel persecuted. Kate Mulgrew (Star Trek) did a voice-over for a flat earth film.

So…if you’re looking for a place to escape the heat, not to mention that tiring non-gravity, there are worse places to sip a beer and hold a conversation tonight than Barley’s Kitchen + Tap. 3

Speaking of Billboards...

Show 3 footnotes

  1. Though it’s safe enough to say that, in this particular case, the flat-earth cat is dead, unopened box or no. ’cause…science!
  2. OUR surmise is most flat earthers are home schooled…not that there’s anything wrong with that. In general, we mean.
  3. If anyone goes, shoot some vid to share with the group, please.

Jeffy Sessions’s Lies

Among other things, American Oversight has filed FOIA requests demanding the release of documents pertaining to Attorney General Jeff Sessions’s Russian contacts.

Just yesterday DOJ produced a single, heavily redacted page of Attorney General Jeff Sessions’s security clearance application on which Sessions indicated that he had no foreign government contacts in the past seven years.

I promise you, had I or any other Federal employee blatantly lied on our security clearance application, we would have been immediately dismissed for cause and –depending upon a.) the blatancy of the lie and b.) the ramifications of the lie– prosecuted.

Sessions? He’s free to try and impose his idea of the 1950s theocracy on a country that doesn’t want it.

Jeffy Sessions's Lies

Fuck Steve Scalise

Rep. Steve Scalise was shot just a while ago; at this writing it is unclear how serious his injuries may be.

We extend our sincere sympathies toward his family.

Having said that, fuck Rep. Steve Scalise.

The Congressman, who is so dim as to have once “accidentally” attended a Klan rally, receives an A+ rating from the NRA. He most certainly will be [could have been] counted on to help pass the latest Congressional piece of shit, the Hearing Protection Act of 2017, which –despite your first and obvious thought– is NOT about hearing aids, but rather will relax restrictions on firearm silencers.

That’s right, Scalise has consistently enabled legislation making it easier for whatever asshole shot (and possibly killed 1) him today to go out and purchase whatever weapon tickled his fancy. We would say that Eiron is chortling even now, but the sad truth is that America has long ago moved past irony regarding its lunatic love affair with guns.

Again, we feel for Scalise’s family but can not help but wonder if his wife is having a Clytemnestra moment.

“By the sword you did your work, and by the sword you die.”

Yep – fuck Steve Scalise.

Fuck Steve Scalise

Show 1 footnote

  1. Even should the representative survive, his life –not to mention his family’s– will be forever altered in ways he can not yet imagine.

This Soil Breeds Monsters

You can no longer expect forty years of drudgery and then a spluttering death from good old-fashioned blue-collar pneumoconiosis. You can’t make it through life hating your boss instead of yourself, not when new forms of labour discipline demand that you be your own boss. Your flesh is already obsolete. But there’s an answer: to survive in the coming era of automation, you have to bring it in faster; announce its apocalypse, learn to code, add yourself to the army of programmers building an appier tomorrow…

Desperation is everywhere; exhibitors make lunging grabs for any passers-by wearing an “INVESTOR” lanyard, proffer stickers and goodies, scream for attention on their convention-standard signs. These do not, to put it kindly, make a lot of sense. “Giving you all the tools you need to activate and manage your influencer marketing relationships,” promises one. “Leverage what is known to find, manage, and understand your data,” entices another. The gleaming technological future looks a lot like a new golden age of hucksterism. It’s networking; the sordid, stupid business of business; pressing palms with arrogant pricks, genuflecting to idiots, entirely unchanged by the fact that this time it’s about apps and code rather than dog food or dishwashers.

None of these start-ups are doing anything new or interesting. Which shouldn’t be surprising: how often does anyone have a really good idea? What you actually get is just code, sloshing around, congealing into apps and firms that exist simply to exist. Uber for dogs, GrubHub for clothes, Patreon for sex, Slack for death, PayPal for God, WhatsApp for the spaceless non-void into which a blind universe expands…

Capitalism doesn’t know what to do with its surpluses any more; it ruthlessly drains them from the immiserated low-tech manufacturing bases of the Global South, snatches them away from a first-world population tapping at computer code on the edge of redundancy, but then has nowhere better to put them than in some executive’s gold-plated toilet. This soil breeds monsters; new, parasitic products scurry like the first worms over the world-order’s dying body.

The War on Drugs

Quick Blessings

From BoingBoing:

TitlePatriarch Kirill of the Russian Orthodox Church is a powerful reactionary figure in the country’s toxic political scene, which has welded a tale of thwarted imperial destiny to a thin-skinned fundamentalist theology that can’t bear the slightest sign of mockery; he’s blamed ISIS on secularism and Pride parades and says that marriage equality literally heralds the imminent apocalypse.

So there’s a lot of context behind this photo of Kirill spraying holy water on sensitive Russian government computer systems to fight the Wcry ransomware worm. …the real nexus of this photo is the government official with the “you’ve got to be kidding me” expression, who exists in a power-structure that requires solemn professions of belief in this powerful weirdo’s dumb rituals.

This idiocy happens far more than you would think.

A Russian Orthodox bishop has blessed Russian missiles used in airstrikes. Hell, it seems they’ll bless ANYTHING.

Though, to be fair, the Catholics aren’t far behind. 1

Quick Blessings

Show 1 footnote

  1. Though they save most blessings for money and young kids.

Simply Lies

“We have heard such claims before and they proved to be groundless. Indeed, they are simply lies. The purpose of cutting taxes is not in fact to raise growth but to downsize government, which is an end in itself for Republicans, whether or not it raises growth. They believe there is only so much freedom to go around and when government gets bigger it necessarily comes at the expense of individual liberty. Therefore, cutting government is per se a good thing. 

Republicans also believe in a theory called “starve-the-beast,” which posits that the only way to cut spending is to slash taxes first. It is precisely because tax cuts reduce revenue and raise the deficit that this works. Deficits, in the Republican mind, arise only because of spending, never because of tax cuts. Thus their response to higher deficits is always to cut spending.”

Simply Lies

Knee Jerk Reactions

Looks like that ol’ drug pusher (tobacco) Jeff Sessions has enlisted an ally in his efforts to assuage both big pharma and the liquor industry’s insecurities…

WASHINGTON – Two days after downplaying the role of marijuana in the nation’s drug war, Department of Homeland Security John Kelly changed course on Tuesday, calling it a “potentially dangerous gateway drug” and saying his agency would continue to arrest and investigate those who traded in it in violation of federal law.

“Let me be clear about marijuana: It is a potentially dangerous gateway drug that frequently leads to the use of harder drugs,” he said in his first major speech since being sworn in. “Its use and possession is against federal law and until that law is changed by the United States Congress, we at DHS, along with the rest of the federal government, are sworn to uphold all the laws that are on the books.”

Sooo…what? DHS now suddenly has police powers? Uh, methinks not. In fact the department is in legal hot water exactly because they’ve been masquerading as police. Moreover, none of what DHS is tasked with gives them any place in big pharma’s never ending, farcical “war on drugs.” 1

And that old canard about marijuana being a “gateway drug”? Bitch, please! You know what gateway drugs are? Pharmaceutical grade “diet” pills, mood elevators/inhibitors and, oh yeah, don’t forget hydrocodone and OxyContin – those ARE gateway drugs for, yep, you guessed it, heroin. 2

Marijuana advocates, who are watching closely to determine whether the Trump administration will deal a blow to state-level legalization efforts, decried the comments, saying Kelly was defying science in taking a hard line on pot. Eight states – Alaska, California, Colorado, Maine, Massachusetts, Nevada, Oregon and Washington – and the District of Columbia have legalized recreational marijuana in some form and another 20 permit the sale of pot for medical purposes.

“DHS should stick to security and leave the science to the scientists,” Mason Tvert, spokesman for the Denver-based Marijuana Policy Project, told McClatchy. “This is a knee-jerk reaction among a certain generation of people that still think of marijuana as this vile, horrific substance and have yet to accept the fact that it is actually less harmful than alcohol.”

Indeed, but tiny Jeff Sessions 3 needs an ally since many in Congress are ready to admit the marijuana stupidity has gone too far.

It bears repeating over and over and over again that the ONLY reason marijuana is a Schedule 1 drug is because that black hearted asshole Nixon, along with his dolt of idiots of a staff, needed it for political reasons.

Knee Jerk Reactions

The difference between a policy and a crusade is that a policy is judged by its results, while a crusade is judged by how good it makes its crusaders feel.

— Thomas Sowell

Knee Jerk Reactions

It’s hard not to see Lilliputian Sessions’ efforts as a crusade when he refuses to let science stand in the way of incarceration by excluding the National Commission on Forensic Science 4:

“The reliance of law enforcement on questionable science and the overstatement of the reliability of that science has been a leading cause of the wrongful conviction of innocent people,” said National Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers (NACDL) president Barry Pollack on Monday. “The reason the National Commission on Forensic Science has been so important is that it includes leading independent scientists, allowing an unbiased expert evaluation of which techniques are scientifically valid and which are not. NACDL is terribly disappointed that even while acknowledging the crucial role played by the National Commission on Forensic Science, the Attorney General has chosen to disband it.”

Stone them, burn them at the stake, throw them in ponds and see if they float…

Knee Jerk Reactions

Meanwhile, just north of us, in a civilized country

Knee Jerk Reactions

Show 4 footnotes

  1. With the possible exceptions of the Coast Guard, in an interdiction mode, though more and more that’s a “coals to Newcastle” idiocy; why bother when you can legally buy weed in one of 8 states and drive it home?
  2. Though, frankly? Opioids, per se, aren’t the problem, Chris Christie’s irrelevancies aside: thorough education as to the dangers of drug mixing, yanking crusading pols out of the doctor-patient relationship and supporting the expansion of medication-assisted treatment, while permitting legal access to heroin and other drugs would save more lives than ANY drug prohibition.
  3. Sessions’ height is listed at 5′ 7″, exactly the same as Tom Cruise. However no one believes Cruise, since he’s given to wearing “lifts.” A more realistic figure is would be 5′ 5″ in both cases. What IS it with little men and their need to project authority, ludicrous though it may be?
  4. NCFS is funded specifically to enable independent scientists to investigate/counter forensic laboratory methods or other issues that might lead to false criminal convictions.