Fan Mail From Some Flounder

September 29 2017


I’ve always wanted to ask, are you black?

VM Snow
Grandview, MO


Am I black? Am I fuck! Trust me; you would know were I black.


October 3 2017


I read your post about Mueller perhaps not even issuing a public report on his finding re Trump et al or worse making no recommendation. I don’t see how he could possibly do that and it scares me to death. Isn’t there some other way of removing Trump?

Tracey Whitman
Lee’s Summit, MO


I did indeed point out that the law does not require Mueller to present/release a public report, or indeed any report.

I certainly can not imagine, however, given the facts exposed over the last year, that Mueller would do so, but it remains an option. In any event I fully expect Mueller to indict at least a half dozen of the Generalissimo’s closest campaign advisors as well as some current White House denizens. Whether Mueller’s investigation unearths enough legal proof to remove The Orange Cheeto from office is anyone’s guess.

Speaking to that uncertainty, I have recently found myself wondering where Jody Foster’s putative boyfriends are keeping themselves these days; hey!, no need to be shy, guys. Same with any group of people desperate to save the country via a hare-brained kidnapping scheme: C’mon on down, gentlemen! Let’s talk. 1

Best Regards,

October 9 2017

Why are you so down on Trump? Surely he’s done something worthwhile since he was sworn in? Look at what he’s proposing to do with the trade agreements and Iran. Both those things will make America stronger. And I know you think he’s stupid for wanting a Mexican wall, but that’s necessary to halt the unending flow of Mexicans. Open your mind instead of just being another libtard mouthpiece for the MSM.

Del Sawyer,
Olathe, KS


Let me think… Okay, try this:

  • After a highly devise election, the President* has succeeded in uniting the country. True, not in the manner we expected, but still…
  • In the three weeks since Hurricane Maria not another American protectorate and/or territory 2 has been decimated or partially decimated. And you can’t really count Houston, ’cause who coulda seen that one coming, amirite? Or that bitch Irma? Who knew! So, you know, given there around 10K cities in America, his record ‘protecting’ them is pretty good. So there’s that.
  • Also, since he fired all the U.S. District Attorneys (including a special firing of Preet Bharara), the Government Ethics Office director Walter Schaub, the FBI Director, as well as almost everyone else, the President* appears to have restored a certain neo-Confederate integrity to government. Who doesn’t like lil’ Jeffy Sessions!

And those are the things just off the top of my head. I’m sure, give time and motivation, I could think of others!

All the best,

Fan Mail From Some Flounder

Show 2 footnotes

  1. Of course the issue here is that the individuals/groups of people most likely to engage in such behavior are ardent Generalissimo supporters. So, no help there. Also…that is proscribed behavior.
  2. American Samoa, Guam, Northern Mariana Islands, U.S. Virgin Islands and (most unfortunately for them) Puerto Rico.

Fan Mail From Some Flounder

24 September 2017

How are you doing? What is your name?

My name is Diana. When the last time you were on the site? I really want to chat with you.
I like your photos, so I send you my own.
I hope that you will write to me on my email or hotmail ID, do you have such one?
Please write back!
Email me at

Warm regards Diana.

Dear Diana

Thanks for the note but holy shit is this even still a thing?

In any event, I believe you have me confused with someone else, perhaps our local Russian émigré? He’s already looking at how he might repopulate our fair city in the event of a thermonuclear war, so perhaps he’ll have some time for you. Just ‘friend’ him on FB and put your proposal to him; he’s easy, I swear.


p.s. – the photos weren’t attached; perhaps you want to try again?

Fan Mail From Some Flounder

Fan Mail From Some Flounder

June 14, 20107
Generalissimo/What the fuck ever,

The problem with America is libtards like you. Fuck Steve Scalise? A decent congressman is shot while playing baseball and all you can say is fuck him? Your disgusting people like Steve Scalise are always working for your rights to print ugly shit on your piece of shit blog and you just kick them when there down. Fuck You!

You ought to get the fuck off of slandering Trump on your little blog too. He’s doing great work for the country and people like you are just too liberalized to see this is what the people want and the country needs. if you don’t like it you should go live in some fucktard country like Austria with the kangeroos. Trump was elected BY THE PEOPLE! And hes hear to stay and will win in 2020. Just fuck off and don’t let the door hit ya in the ass on your way out.

K. Wright
Redondo Beach, California

Dear K.

Let us start with one of your assertions: “Trump was elected BY THE PEOPLE!

That is not anywhere close to being true; the Clinton/Kaine ticket garnered 65,844,969 votes, or 48.3% of the vote, while the Trump/Pence ticket only gathered in 62,979,984 total votes, or 46.2% of the vote. As has been widely reported…well…EVERYWHERE, this means 2,864,985 more Americans voted for Clinton/Kaine than Trump/Pence.

The American people voted for Clinton.

As for Steve Scalise, yes, we could care less that he was hoisted on his own semi-automatic petard.

He, along with his fellow travelers in Congress, directly enabled Hodgkinson’s (and many, many, many others’) ability to calmly gun anyone down, to include Congressmen. In more ways than one, a fact us ‘libtards’ have warned of and argued against for decades. That Scalise and his fellow assholes continued to carry the NRA’s handbasket to hell is on them.

Best Regards,
All of Us

Fan Mail From Some Flounder

Fan Mail From Some Flounder

11 December 2016


The president-elect has so far lost the popular vote by nearly 3 million votes 1, run a campaign that obviously benefitted from the direct meddling of Russian intelligence services, and who’s business interests are so convoluted that every past White House ethics lawyer says he will unavoidably be in violation of the emolument clause in the U.S. Constitution immediately he takes his oath of office.

In addition the president-elect appears to believe, much as Richard Nixon did, that by the very nature of the office the president is above the law, that the president-elect can not have a conflict of interest simply because he would be president. 2

That being the case, and the fact the intent of the Electoral College was to specifically thwart the possibility of a charismatic tyrant manipulating public opinion and coming into power 3, shouldn’t the electors vote Clinton into office this coming Monday?

Randy White,


You lay out a solid argument for the electoral college to turn to Clinton, though you elided the notion of ‘poor administration of government.’ It is a lesser known purpose of the Electoral College: “…the true test of a good government is its aptitude and tendency to produce a good administration…” and the electors should be “…able to estimate the share which the executive in every government must necessarily have in its good or ill administration.” 4

There can be no doubt that the president-elect has shown with his cabinet picks –plutocrats and political naïfs all–, not to mention his storied bankruptcies, that he would not be a good steward of the government.

So, yes, the Electoral College should take all of this into consideration and not confirm the Manchurian President-elect.

However you ignore the fact that the GOP will do anything to grab and keep power; they would never select Clinton. Moreover, the electors were hand picked by their state parties based on loyalty to that party, not common sense. 5  6

Which, I suppose, is just another way of saying the Trump’s electors from Oklahoma are not interested in solemn deliberation: They just want to keep fracking, earthquakes in Kansas and Missouri aside.

No, the best you could hope for is the House of Representatives ending up picking someone like Pence, Kasich, or perhaps even Paul Ryan. Or perhaps the House of Representatives will override the Electoral College override and the Manchurian president-elect anyway.

Our advice? Just bend over and spread ’em.

Best Regards,
Generalissimo Francisco Franco

Fan Mail From Some Flounder

Show 6 footnotes

  1. Which in 19 states (should) automatically trigger a recount.
  2. If you think this trivial, imagine ANY Democrat taking the same position, especially Clinton. Right – the screaming from the GOP and alt-right media would be deafening.
  3. Federalist #68.
  4. Again, Federalist #68.
  5. Though there seem to be exceptions.
  6. Which is undoubtedly why a couple of lawsuits have been brought in order to free electors in 29 states from requirements that they vote for the candidate who won their state’s popular vote.

Fan Mail From Some Flounder

September 26th, 2016


How come you don’t utilize a product like SecureDrop? I came across a document I thought you might find useful but the only way to get it to you is via email and, uh…no.

James Thorpe
Parsons, KS


The short answer is money.

The longer version is slightly more complicated; though SecureDrop is free, the hardware to run it is not. And that’s if –a very big if– your hosting provider agrees to do so. 1 And that’s also true for the cloud, places like Amazon’s AWS. There’s the Darknet, but that would open up an entirely different can of worms. Finally, I could set up another laptop in the manse and run the software from there, but Missouri lacks a journalist “shield law.” Moreover, blogger’s rights are tenuous at best.

However, all is not lost. We’ve given this some thought and have come up with a compromise. Should you have information you would like to pass us, try the following:

Acquire an anonymous email account – many people find these folks to be accommodating. And free!

Once you have that set up, and using your InPrivate mode or VPN, slide on over to Dead Drop. This is exactly as it sounds, a place to leave information that self-destructs after 24 hours. Below is the message you would receive after entering data into the form:

I’m sending you some secure information.
Click this url
or if that doesn’t work, copy and paste it into your web browser’s location bar
This will ONLY work once, so be careful with the password, and make sure to copy the data immediately.
This is the password
After you pick it up, the data will self destruct and this link won’t work anymore.
This link will only work for 24 hours, so please check shortly.

The downside to this method is that Dead Drop doesn’t accept attachments. Which means you would have to a.) transcribe the information, or b.) scan and edit the doc, using a variety of available software. But…it is what it is.

So… to summarize:

1. Using a VPN or your browser’s privacy feature (or, better yet, doing same from public, free WiFi) place your info at Dead Drop.
2. Using a VPN or your browser’s privacy feature (or, better yet, doing same from public, free WiFi) send us [SOMEONE AT WILLNOTBETELEVISED DOT COM] the resultant link via anon email.

At some point we will expand on this, and other security implementations, 2 under a new tab.

Thanks for the question.

Generalissimo Francisco Franco (still dead)

Fan Mail From Some Flounder

Show 2 footnotes

  1. Ours flat out said “No.”
  2. You did notice the site is running TLS/SSL, n’est-ce pas?