Category Archives: Trumplandia

North Korea MOAB?

Saturday is April 15,  the 105th anniversary of the birth of Supreme Leader Kim Il Sung, North Korea’s founding father, as well as sire to Dear Leader Kim Jung Il, and grandfather of noted basketball fan Kim Jong Un, the latest sadistic psychopath tyrant of that impoverished and barely extant dictatorship.

North Korea has traditionally used the date as an excuse to parade their latest weaponry before the world. Indeed, NK has long planned to present its latest in ICBM technology.

However this is a bonus year! That’s right, NK monitoring service 38 North states: North Korea’s Punggye-ri Nuclear Test Site: Primed and Ready.

Woo hoo – party!!!!

Because OMP is still peeing his pants over dropping The (Pen)Ultimate Bomb on a mountainous cave system in Afghanistan.  1 Major wood, y’all! AND AND AND!!!!! If OMP drops another MOAB on NK AND NK fires back with nuclear missiles AND China and Russia nd Japan and ROK also get involved, why, those pesky investigations of Russia’s involvement in OMP‘s presidential campaign just goes away!

AND AND AND AND!!!!!!!! VP Pence is set to arrive in Seoul on Sunday. If the timing is just so, he can huddle with the other survivors…

But, hey! No real worries. We dispatched an aircraft carrier and a small armada to cruise the Korean waters since Tuesday. Also? We’ve got literally dozens of military aircraft on Okinawa, just a quick Jet-Ski away.

Several leakers Benedict Arnold’s intelligence officials relayed to NBC News that should OMP the Pentagon become convinced North Korea is about to follow through with a nuclear weapons test, the US will launch a preemptive strike.

Fun times, kids! One day we can look back on this and tell our mutant offspring that this was the day WWIII started…

Wake up, people.

North Korea MOAB?

Show 1 footnote

  1. The US military claims they killed 36 ISIS member…with a $16 million bomb. That’s around $444,444.444.44 a person. You can understand why the military loves ’em; they’re big AND cost effective!

The Spicer Bunny

The Spicer Bunny

The Spicer Bunny

It is worth noting, daily if needs must, that people who hate the idea of the government itself never do a good job of governing.

This is true regardless of function: health care, budgets, (not) war mongering or putting on an Easter Egg Roll.

The annual wooden eggs were only ordered this past Monday, and shaved down to half of the customary order.

No “A” list stars will be in attendance, just a military band. 1

Even the Easter Bunny will be a lying, hackneyed, past his prime political failure.

Mean! (Sad!)

The Spicer Bunny

Show 1 footnote

  1. Because the United States Marine Band just screams Easter! In fact, it’s the only reason the little tots ever deign to step foot on the White House lawn.

The Wars Rage On

Amidst months of rumors of infighting within the Republican administration, Bannon’s removal from the NSC has been celebrated, as it ought to be. However, as happy as the news may be, it should also be noted how small of a victory this is in the face of such sobering circumstances. Bannon remains Chief Strategist, Donald Trump is President, and the two are backed by a terrifying collection of Republicans with a proven track record of inefficient and violent policies.

While some outlets have focused their coverage of the palace intrigue on claims that Trump greenlit Bannon’s demotion out of jealousy, others have chosen to celebrate General McMaster’s rising star within the Republican administration. Whereas Bannon may have advocated military decisions based on political popularity and an Islamophobic clash-of-civilizations worldview, McMaster is an experienced counterinsurgency expert who respects Islam and will prevent us from blundering into war in Syria, or so the argument goes.

The problem, of course, is that we are already at war in Syria, and have been for some time. Trump has continued to escalate US troop deployments to Iraq and Syria since McMaster’s appointment to National Security Advisor in February…

I’m left to wonder whether OMP will run both his escalating wars, as well as the upcoming North Korea fiasco, like Shrub did – off the books

Either way the ongoing conflicts of the nest four years will be a boon to the war mongers and their ilk, while the rest of us 1 continue to take it in the shorts.

The Wars Rage On

Show 1 footnote

  1. Assuming “we” at survive North Korea’s nuclear missiles.

The Wall

Wednesday marks the deadline for the hundreds of companies interested in building Donald Trump’s signature campaign promise – a “great, great wall” on the US-Mexico border – to submit concept papers detailing their proposals.

It is the first step in a process that promises to combine three of Trump’s most successful ventures: beauty pageants, reality TV competitions and xenophobia.

After an initial elimination round, the remaining contestants will submit more detailed technical proposals. Another round of cuts will ensue, and then a group of finalists will convene in San Diego, California, to construct both a 30ft-long prototype of their design and a 10ft by 10ft “mock-up” that will be used by the government to “test and evaluate the anti-destruct characteristics” of the design.

That’s right, as even the illegal aliens on Mars know OMP intends to build a wall between the USA and Mexico, said nation not only populated by some of the friendliest people on the planet, but among other things is also graced with long stretches of sandy beaches, a magnificent tropical interior region, not to mention our primary source for wonderful and cheap cheap tequila and the absolute best place to celebrate Dia de los Muertos. 1

Why, you ask? Because…bigotry!

OMP has also said that he wants “the north side (of The Wall) to look good.”

Looks good” certainly leaves a lot of scootch room.

So we emailed, messaged and otherwise pestered artists of our acquaintance, artists we barely know, and artists we never have & never will meet 2 to posit exactly what a good looking border wall might mean to OMP. Herewith (in order received) follow the results…

The Wall

John Takami Morita –

“The Trump Wall isolating America would look like a Huge Coffin. It would be six feet deep from border to border, with barbed wire fences of radioactive concrete in the silhouette of our US Feuher ……..”

Henri J. Doner-Hedrick

“Gold plated…spell out his name . . call it the Trump Wall”

Pascal Witaszek

“I’m not a specialist of american politics, so I only can have a French point of view. The only good looking border wall, electrified and very high, should probably stand now around the White House. It’s important for American people to be protected from the stupidity of the guy inside !”

Tyler Galloway –

“As a graphic designer, I am obliged to consider fundamental compositional principles such as “center of interest” and “figure/ground relationships” and the like. Herr Trump should consider a border wall that “looks good” to have both of the aforementioned qualities, most easily achieved in a single element known as the circle. Seen as a symbol of unity for our powerful nation, large circles (perhaps three feet in diameter) cut into a large, unending cement wall would provide the occasional center of interest in an otherwise uninterrupted field of gray while providing a strong sense of figure/ground relationship. To push the aesthetic sensibility further, circle sizes could be differentiated from 6″ diameter (hand/arm sized) to upwards of 10′ in diameter (vehicle size). beyond having a wall that “looks good”, is the functional advantage of swamp drainage from D.C. through to Mexico.”

(Ed.’s Note: This post will be updated as more responses trickle in; looking at YOU, banksy!)

The Wall

Show 2 footnotes

  1. Yeah, we don’t understand it either.
  2. Yes, we DID reach out to banksy; your guess is as good as ours whether our virtual message in an iBottle ever reached him/her.

A Trump & Russia Primer

Yet the jaw-dropping revelations were just beginning. Two days after the House hearing, on March 22, The Associated Press revealed that in 2005, Paul Manafort, Trump’s erstwhile campaign manager, had signed a $10 million-a-year contract with Russian oligarch Oleg Deripaska to “influence politics, business dealings and news coverage inside the United States, Europe and former Soviet republics to benefit President Vladimir Putin’s government.” This comes on top of Manafort’s already disclosed work on behalf of Viktor Yanukovych, the deposed Ukrainian leader who is a close Kremlin ally. White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer’s clumsy attempts to distance the president from Manafort — he claimed that Trump’s former campaign manager played only a “very limited role for a very limited amount of time” — simply served to signal how serious this revelation actually is.

And, of course, Manafort is hardly the only current or former Trump associate with suspiciously close ties to Moscow. We have only recently learned that Michael Flynn, Trump’s first national security advisor, made $68,000 while serving as a consultant to Russian firms in 2015. Campaign foreign-policy advisor Carter Page maintained close ties with the Kremlin and its state-owned oil companies. Longtime Trump advisor Roger Stone has admitted to communicating with “Guccifer 2.0,” the moniker used by Russian intelligence to leak damaging information about Hillary Clinton, and with Julian Assange, the head of WikiLeaks, another Russian front organization. “Trust me, it will soon [be] the Podesta’s time in the barrel,” Stone tweeted on Aug. 21, 2016, weeks before WikiLeaks began leaking emails stolen from Clinton campaign chairman John Podesta.

Even Jared Kushner, Trump’s son-in-law, it now emerges, met before the inauguration not just with Russia’s ambassador to Washington but also with Sergey Gorkov, who is close to Putin, was trained by Russian intelligence, and runs a state-owned bank that has been placed on a U.S. sanctions list. No one knows what they discussed, but it’s possible that Kushner, whose family real estate firm is desperate for foreign financing, was hoping to get an investment from this Russian bank to supplement the hundreds of millions of dollars it has sought from Chinese companies closely connected to the leadership in Beijing. (One wonders how Kushner has time to not only deal with Russia policy — but also to broker peace in the Middle East; advise on relations with China, Mexico, and Canada; and reorganize the whole U.S. government. Clearly Ivanka Trump married a man of prodigious and hitherto unsuspected talents.)

A Trump & Russia Primer


The GOP widely hailed vote by the House of Representatives on Sen. Ryan’s American Health Care Piece of Shit Act has been postponed, ostensibly until midnight, but in reality, perhaps forever.

The move comes as a firm 30 GOP members have publicly stated they will cast ‘No’ votes, with over a dozen other ReThugs also strongly leaning towards uttering a dreaded (in this case) “Nay.”

While some observers feel the additional hours will prove insufficient to change enough minds, the White House seems oddly sure they can swing enough votes back their way. Many of those same observers are befuddled; what does the White House plan – to buy the necessary votes? 1 2


Show 2 footnotes

  1. Paging Rep. Nunes, paging Rep. Nunes; please call 1-917-756-8000 or 1-646-736-1779 before midnight tonight. That’s 1-917-756-8000 or 1-646-736-1779 before midnight tonight. Please mention the Denis Voronenkov offer.
  2. Also? What are the odds (5 to 8; beeeel-yuns to doughnuts?) that the ReThugs push this magic moment off until the wee hours of Friday morning, amend the shit out of the current bill (By stripping federal health insurance requirements for basic benefits such as maternity care, emergency services, mental health and wellness visits. Or worse. Woo Hoo!) such that is screws everyone, and then quietly pass it and all fly back home before the dailies can give it complete coverage? Pretty good, ya think?

Trump Resigns?

From The Independent:

Donald Trump is going to “get himself out of office soon”, a leading Democratic senator has claimed.

Dianne Feinstein suggested the President would quit before he was potentially forced out of office after anti-Trump protesters in Los Angeles demanded to know why more wasn’t being done by Congress to remove him from office.

Hinting she might know more than she is able to let on, Ms Feinstein, who sits on the Senate Judiciary Committee, replied: “We have a lot of people looking into this. I think he’s going to get himself out.”

She went on to cite several potential conflicts of interests surrounding the Trump business empire, but she declined to say whether she thought the President had done anything that was worthy of impeachment.

“I can’t answer that right now,” she said.

Don’t believe it.

We want it to be true, it should be true, and OMP’s behavior nigh on demands it be true…but OMP’s ego won’t allow it.

The only possible way OMP would walk away is if a bonafide genius deep within the rank bowels of the GOP crafted and executed the perfect long game: convince OMP to front for the candidate you actually want 1, select that politician as VP when you win 2, then pay off OMP with some dirty Koch brothers cash to to shamble off into early senile dementia back in Trump Towers, which he would never leave, drawing those golden drapes hard against the light of his detractors, while sitting around in a golden bathrobe and watching his fingernails grow to ridiculous lengths. 3

Fucking genius.

However…what are the odds, n’est-ce pas?

Besides…while you might remove the symptom, you’d be left with the root cause – that noted god-botherer and woman hater Mike Pence. 4

Careful what you wish for, kids.

Trump Resigns?

Show 4 footnotes

  1. That no one in their right mind would ever vote for, not a chance in hell, no way, no how.
  2. And if you don’t win, you’ve lost nothing, really: What was your other choice – Cruz, Rubio, Bush Litest?
  3. And after witnessing the mid- to later Reagan years, we have to say the OMP is exhibiting every sign of it.
  4. As well as his chief lackey-in-religious-nuttery, Mike Pompeo, whose religion desires nothing more than the destruction of the Jewish state in order to bring about the Rapture. Yep, whack jobs, both of them.

Can’t Make This Shit Up

The gall.

The entirety of the ReThug establishment is crying about betrayal and plots and Democratic malfeasance, loudly and at length. As though they were not intent on finagling folks into paying more in order to die poorer and faster.

Whether the ReThugs forswear their Constitutional duty (under one president) to allow the next president to appoint The Commander to SCOTUS 1; whether it’s OMP installing his daughter as (NOT a Federal employee) into the White House as an advisor; whether OMP is pulling ALL economic support for those unemployed coal miners across the southeastern swath of the country (after lying to them about making coal YUUUUGE again), or even if it’s OMP’s endless freaking tweets…you just can’t make this shit up. It’s endless.

But what’s even more incredible? The Deplorables, those sad cases who live and breathe on OMP‘s words (despite all the harm he perpetually publicly states he intends to inflict on them), are still unwavering in their support.

It’s well past time for a competency test in order to be able to vote: The votes of Deplorables with IQs 100 or below should only count as 1/3 a vote, thus taking 3 Deplorables to equal 1 vote.

Folks, we need to stop pretending that about half the country isn’t sadly “differently abled”…

And now for some truth to power:

In Passing

Show 1 footnote

  1. About that…didn’t the ReThugs say they couldn’t appoint a new SCOTUS seat during a Presidential campaign? Well, according to the Donald J Trump For President, Inc, FEC Form 99, Trump IS campaigning for re-election in 2020 already. What’s good for the goose…