Dear President Bannon

Dear President Bannon,

Congratulations on your upgrade to Malebolge, the Eighth Circle of the Abyss. This tier of our eternal rewards program is reserved for customers of our Fraud department, including flatterers, adulterers, hypocrites, and thieves. And what a dedicated customer you have been.

We thank you for your use of our offerings, including Graft, Pandering, Deceit, and the Promotion of Discord. You earned your Fraud points through a surprising variety of purchases, ranging from tax evasion to promoting white supremacy.

The bulk of your Fraud points were earned, of course, through your war against Islam, a religion you slandered in Breitbart News and in your “documentaries.” Once you became a Presidential advisor, you started earning triple points with your Muslim-targeted immigration ban. (We apologize that the product broke immediately upon delivery.)

Dear President Bannon

Werewolves, Vaccines and Vampires

Apparently Lee’s Summit residents nail silver crosses, garlic cloves and religious exemption letters to their doorways, lest a werewolf, vampire or a doctor with a dose of measles vaccine threaten them…

LEE’S SUMMIT, Mo. — More families are opting out of vaccinations for their children in the Lee’s Summit School District.

“If you don’t vaccinate your child they’re going to be subject to spreading life-threatening disease. Their life is at risk as well. I think it’s irresponsible not to,” said Michelle Higinbotham.

She vaccinated her three children; it was no different for her granddaughter, Willa. But the number of parents choosing not to vaccinate for religious reasons is on the rise in the Lee’s Summit School District. Pediatrician Steve Lauer works at The University of Kansas Hospital.

“People are, in our views, misusing that as a way or just saying we don’t want to have this done. It’s still an exemption on the books in many states and can be used for that,” he said. “We think that’s a mistake and really shouldn’t be a part of the deal. There are some states moving away from that now as we see a rise in vaccine preventable disease.”

Over the past five years, the number of families claiming religious exemptions has more than doubled in the school district. That means 326 families did not vaccinate their child or children this year…

…The district says parents don’t have to vaccinate if the immunization violates their religious beliefs. Higinbotham says she’s surprised at the number of people using religious exemptions from vaccinations.

“It’s a problem. I don’t think it should be a religious question. The science has shown it’s important and protects children, it saves their lives,” she said.

Werewolves, Vaccines and Vampires

Christian Madness

Welp, looks like the batshit 0.016666666666667% of the nation is up to it’s old tricks again (No need to click the embedded link – text below the vid:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal and endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights 1. Since our Creator gave us these rights, we declare that no government has the right to take them away. Among these rights is the right to exercise our Christian beliefs as put forth in God’s Holy Bible.

We therefore declare that God grants life at conception and no one has the right to take that life unless it is a direct threat to the life of the mother.

Marriage was instituted by God between one man and one woman. The Lord gave only this family unit the responsibility to have children and raise them in the fear of the Lord.

We therefore respectfully reserve the right to refuse any mandate by the government that forces us to fund or support abortion. We also oppose same-sex marriage, polygamy, bestiality, and all other forms of sexual perversion prohibited by Holy Scripture.

We proclaim that Jesus has provided the cure for all sin and therefore reach out to the sinner in love, but do not embrace the sin, knowing its destructive nature.

Therefore, we, the undersigned—not only as Christians but also believing we have the constitutional rights as Americans to follow these time honored Christian beliefs—commit to conducting our churches, ministries, businesses, and personal lives in accordance with our Christian faith and choose to obey God rather than man.


Notice how they stand up for themselves: “refuse any mandate by the government that forces us to fund or support abortion” and “oppose same-sex marriage, polygamy, bestiality, and all other forms of sexual perversion prohibited by Holy Scripture,”?

Too cool. Although, ya know, there are no such mandates. I mean, nobody’s forcing them to do that stuff now. But I get it – you won’t let “them” force you. should “they” decide to try. In, ya know, some future parallel word. Good on ya!

However, where Eirôn tapped us on the shoulder was when they state they’ve the right to force their hidebound beliefs on everyone else.

Then there’s the issue of slavery:

When a man strikes his male or female slave with a rod so hard that the slave dies under his hand, he shall be punished. If, however, the slave survives for a day or two, he is not to be punished, since the slave is his own property. (Exodus 21:20-21 NAB)

Slaves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ. (Ephesians 6:5 NLT)

Gee, Wally, does that mean we get to chain up the Negros again!?

Damn, but what some people won’t get up to left unsupervised…

Christian Madness

Show 1 footnote

  1. Wonder why he quits quoting the Declaration of Independence right before “…that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”? Hmmmmmm?