Category Archives: ¡Pendejo!

Beeeel-yuns!

The GOP widely hailed vote by the House of Representatives on Sen. Ryan’s American Health Care Piece of Shit Act has been postponed, ostensibly until midnight, but in reality, perhaps forever.

The move comes as a firm 30 GOP members have publicly stated they will cast ‘No’ votes, with over a dozen other ReThugs also strongly leaning towards uttering a dreaded (in this case) “Nay.”

While some observers feel the additional hours will prove insufficient to change enough minds, the White House seems oddly sure they can swing enough votes back their way. Many of those same observers are befuddled; what does the White House plan – to buy the necessary votes? 1 2

Beeeel-yuns!

Show 2 footnotes

  1. Paging Rep. Nunes, paging Rep. Nunes; please call 1-917-756-8000 or 1-646-736-1779 before midnight tonight. That’s 1-917-756-8000 or 1-646-736-1779 before midnight tonight. Please mention the Denis Voronenkov offer.
  2. Also? What are the odds (5 to 8; beeeel-yuns to doughnuts?) that the ReThugs push this magic moment off until the wee hours of Friday morning, amend the shit out of the current bill (By stripping federal health insurance requirements for basic benefits such as maternity care, emergency services, mental health and wellness visits. Or worse. Woo Hoo!) such that is screws everyone, and then quietly pass it and all fly back home before the dailies can give it complete coverage? Pretty good, ya think?

Trump Resigns?

From The Independent:

Donald Trump is going to “get himself out of office soon”, a leading Democratic senator has claimed.

Dianne Feinstein suggested the President would quit before he was potentially forced out of office after anti-Trump protesters in Los Angeles demanded to know why more wasn’t being done by Congress to remove him from office.

Hinting she might know more than she is able to let on, Ms Feinstein, who sits on the Senate Judiciary Committee, replied: “We have a lot of people looking into this. I think he’s going to get himself out.”

She went on to cite several potential conflicts of interests surrounding the Trump business empire, but she declined to say whether she thought the President had done anything that was worthy of impeachment.

“I can’t answer that right now,” she said.

Don’t believe it.

We want it to be true, it should be true, and OMP’s behavior nigh on demands it be true…but OMP’s ego won’t allow it.

The only possible way OMP would walk away is if a bonafide genius deep within the rank bowels of the GOP crafted and executed the perfect long game: convince OMP to front for the candidate you actually want 1, select that politician as VP when you win 2, then pay off OMP with some dirty Koch brothers cash to to shamble off into early senile dementia back in Trump Towers, which he would never leave, drawing those golden drapes hard against the light of his detractors, while sitting around in a golden bathrobe and watching his fingernails grow to ridiculous lengths. 3

Fucking genius.

However…what are the odds, n’est-ce pas?

Besides…while you might remove the symptom, you’d be left with the root cause – that noted god-botherer and woman hater Mike Pence. 4

Careful what you wish for, kids.

Trump Resigns?

Show 4 footnotes

  1. That no one in their right mind would ever vote for, not a chance in hell, no way, no how.
  2. And if you don’t win, you’ve lost nothing, really: What was your other choice – Cruz, Rubio, Bush Litest?
  3. And after witnessing the mid- to later Reagan years, we have to say the OMP is exhibiting every sign of it.
  4. As well as his chief lackey-in-religious-nuttery, Mike Pompeo, whose religion desires nothing more than the destruction of the Jewish state in order to bring about the Rapture. Yep, whack jobs, both of them.

Can’t Make This Shit Up

The gall.

The entirety of the ReThug establishment is crying about betrayal and plots and Democratic malfeasance, loudly and at length. As though they were not intent on finagling folks into paying more in order to die poorer and faster.

Whether the ReThugs forswear their Constitutional duty (under one president) to allow the next president to appoint The Commander to SCOTUS 1; whether it’s OMP installing his daughter as (NOT a Federal employee) into the White House as an advisor; whether OMP is pulling ALL economic support for those unemployed coal miners across the southeastern swath of the country (after lying to them about making coal YUUUUGE again), or even if it’s OMP’s endless freaking tweets…you just can’t make this shit up. It’s endless.

But what’s even more incredible? The Deplorables, those sad cases who live and breathe on OMP‘s words (despite all the harm he perpetually publicly states he intends to inflict on them), are still unwavering in their support.

It’s well past time for a competency test in order to be able to vote: The votes of Deplorables with IQs 100 or below should only count as 1/3 a vote, thus taking 3 Deplorables to equal 1 vote.

Folks, we need to stop pretending that about half the country isn’t sadly “differently abled”…

And now for some truth to power:

In Passing

Show 1 footnote

  1. About that…didn’t the ReThugs say they couldn’t appoint a new SCOTUS seat during a Presidential campaign? Well, according to the Donald J Trump For President, Inc, FEC Form 99, Trump IS campaigning for re-election in 2020 already. What’s good for the goose…

The Administrative State

In case you missed this bit of Sunday fluff:

Giants in telecommunications, like Verizon and AT&T, will not have to take “reasonable measures” to ensure that their customers’ Social Security numbers, web browsing history and other personal information are not stolen or accidentally released.

Wall Street banks like Goldman Sachs and JPMorgan Chase will not be punished, at least for now, for not collecting extra money from customers to cover potential losses from certain kinds of high-risk trades that helped unleash the 2008 financial crisis.

And Social Security Administration data will no longer be used to try to block individuals with disabling mental health issues from buying handguns, nor will hunters be banned from using lead-based bullets, which can accidentally poison wildlife, on 150 million acres of federal lands.

These are just a few of the more than 90 regulations that federal agencies and the Republican-controlled Congress have delayed, suspended or reversed in the month and a half since President Trump took office, according to a tally by The New York Times.

The emerging effort — dozens more rules could be eliminated in the coming weeks — is one of the most significant shifts in regulatory policy in recent decades. It is the leading edge of what Stephen K. Bannon, Mr. Trump’s chief strategist, described late last month as “the deconstruction of the administrative state.”

A close reading reveals these rapidly disappearing regulations were put forth in order to protect the citizenry, e.g. you, me…the Deplorables.

Ah, the Deplorables. Thanks, guys. 1

Show 1 footnote

  1. And you, too, Russia! Oh, and the Koch brothers’ funded rightwing groups that perpetuated ReThug gerrymandering throughout the land, as well as restricting voter rights: Excellent job, folks!

Illegal Steve Bannon

It’s been just about a week since Our Manchurian president illegally appointed Steve Bannon to the National Security Council – time to start pushing back.

Here’s the deal – Section (a)(6) of federal statute 50 U.S. Code 3021 lays out who may be part of the National Security Council:

(a) Establishment; presiding officer; functions; composition There is established a council to be known as the National Security Council (hereinafter in this section referred to as the “Council”).
The President of the United States shall preside over meetings of the Council: Provided, That in his absence he may designate a member of the Council to preside in his place.

The function of the Council shall be to advise the President with respect to the integration of domestic, foreign, and military policies relating to the national security so as to enable the military services and the other departments and agencies of the Government to cooperate more effectively in matters involving the national security.

The Council shall be composed of—

(1) the President;

(2) the Vice President;

(3) the Secretary of State;

(4) the Secretary of Defense;

(5) the Secretary of Energy; and

(6) the Secretaries and Under Secretaries of other executive departments and of the military departments, when appointed by the President by and with the advice and consent of the Senate, to serve at his pleasure.

While there are other committees under the NSC where (at the pleasure of Our Manchurian president) Bannon could serve, Bannon can not be appointed to the NSC itself. This is clearly illegal and needs to be addressed; at the very least Bannon would have to go through the Senate confirmation/approval in order to serve.

And a very public Senate confirmation hearing will undoubtedly direct a blinding light on this human cockroach.

Call your Senator, now. Several times in fact. 1 Make it clear Bannon has no place on an otherwise professional body and demand a Senate hearing on the subject immediately.

Wake up, people.

Illegal Steve Bannon

In other You Can’t Make This Shit Up news, Oklahoma Congressman Jim Bridenstine is lobbying hard to run NASA. Bridenstine’s reasons for wanting to run NASA are reasonable, however (and there’s ALWAYS a ‘however’ with these jackanapes), he has a dark side.

You say you don’t know who Bridenstine is? Let us refresh your memory (Pro Tip: he once said Obama should be executed):

Illegal Steve Bannon

Show 1 footnote

  1. Don’t bother with email; most Senators reject tose out of hand.

Can’t Make This Shit Up

(Update: Hidy, Crooks and Liars readers who’ve landed here via Mike’s Blog Round-up. And a tip o’ the hat to Mock Paper Sissors for the nod; deeply appreciated.)

Supreme Court Justice nominee Neil Gorsuch founded and led a student group called the ‘Fascism Forever Club’ at his elite high school, DailyMail.com can reveal.

The club was set up to rally against the ‘left-wing tendencies’ of his professors while attending a Jesuit all-boys preparatory high school near Washington D.C.

The name may be inconvenient for a Supreme Court nominee facing a tough confirmation battle. However it also shows the depth of Gorscuch’s right-wing credentials – and his penchant for mischief while attending his exclusive prep school in the 1980s.

[Our Manchurian president] nominated Gorsuch, a 49-year-old U.S. appellate judge, to replace the late Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia on Tuesday.

Gorsuch founded the ‘Fascism Forever Club’ during his freshman year at Georgetown Preparatory, a now-$30,000-a-year private Jesuit school that is one of the most selective in the United States.

He served as president until he graduated in 1985, according to his senior yearbook.

Sweet Jebus, what a  ¡pendejo! Seriously, you just can’t make this shit up.

This should be a give me for the Dems: No vote, baaaaaaby! Same goes for cloture.

Of course what will happen is one or more of the Dems will bail, their spines once again suddenly failing.

And people still wonder why Sanders was so popular…

The Day After

Surveillance Society

JEFFERSON CITY – With crowds gathering for public protests, in Missouri and across the country, seemingly becoming the new normal, a state representative in Jefferson City aims to set down some new ground rules.

Republican Don Phillips from Kimberling City in southwest Missouri wants to make it illegal to wear a mask during a protest while crimes are being committed. Those crimes could range from looting to disorderly conduct.

“If there’s illegal activity going on, that’s when this kicks in,” said Representative Phillips.

HB179 will get its first public hearing in the Crime Prevention and Public Safety Committee, a committee chaired by Phillips, next week.

If it’s signed into law by Governor Eric Greitens, wearing a mask during a protest when crimes are being committed would be a Class B (sic 1) Misdemeanor.

“Public safety and law enforcement are two of the governor’s priorities,” Phillips told Five on Your Side. “I think it’s something he would be OK with, should it make it to his desk.”

Anyone who covers their face for religious or cultural reasons would be exempt from the proposed law.

Oh, shades of Kansas City’s infamous red light camera program!

Rep. Don Phillips (apparent moron and obvious ¡pendejo!) seems hell-bent on having his (putative) law end up before the Missouri Supreme Court. Much like Sly and the Council Stoned’s red light program, Phillips’ proposed ordinance is all kinds of stupid. Not to mention illegal:

This bill creates the crime of concealing a person’s identity if he or she is committing the crime of unlawful assembly or rioting and intentionally conceals his or her identity by the means of a robe, mask, or other disguise. If the defendant is wearing a robe, mask, or other disguise required by his or her religious beliefs, for safety, or for medical purposes, then the defendant will have an affirmative defense.

The crime of concealing a person’s identity is a Class A misdemeanor.

Hmmm; a few questions:

  • How does the Norsefire Party prove “intention”? 2
  • How does the Norsefire Party define religion? 3
  • As there is no way authorities can in advance be aware of an “unlawful assembly” 4, how can this bullhit excuse for a (putative) law ever be enforced?

Folks, there is a reason why soon it will be illegal in all 50 states to smile for your driver’s license photo – it fucks with the omnipresent facial recognition system.

Wake up, people. 5

Surveillance Society

Show 5 footnotes

  1. The actual text {see below} designates the offence as a Class A misdemeanor.
  2. It’s hard to keep those strainers atop one’s head; they often inadvertently slide down, covering one’s face.
  3. The CFSM is a legally recognized religion. As is our own denomination – Dudeism: In keeping with its tenents, we may well appear in public sporting a lovely sleeping mask, motherfuckers.
  4. Defined in Misosuri as “six or more people assemble and agree to violate criminal laws with force or violence”.
  5. A proven way to beat facial recognition is the use of colorful, wildly patterned oversize glass frames. Or get your funk on with Adam Harvey’s cammo wear.

Believe the Autocrat

Hitler NY TimesHowever well-intentioned, this talk assumes that (the autocrat) is prepared to find common ground with his many opponents, respect the institutions of government, and repudiate almost everything he has stood for during the campaign. In short, it is treating him as a “normal” politician…

But (the autocrat) is anything but a regular politician and this has been anything but a regular election…

He is probably the first candidate in history to win the presidency despite having been shown repeatedly by the national media to be a chronic liar, sexual predator, serial tax-avoider, and race-baiter who has attracted the likes of the Ku Klux Klan. Most important, (the autocrat) is the first candidate in memory who ran not for president but for autocrat — and won.

I have lived in autocracies most of my life, and have spent much of my career writing about Vladimir Putin’s Russia. I have learned a few rules for surviving in an autocracy and salvaging your sanity and self-respect. It might be worth considering them now:

  • Rule #1: Believe the autocrat. He means what he says. Whenever you find yourself thinking, or hear others claiming, that he is exaggerating, that is our innate tendency to reach for a rationalization. This will happen often: humans seem to have evolved to practice denial when confronted publicly with the unacceptable. Back in the 1930s, The New York Times assured its readers that Hitler’s anti-Semitism was all posture…
  • Rule #2: Do not be taken in by small signs of normality. […] Confronted with political volatility, the markets become suckers for calming rhetoric from authority figures. So do people. Panic can be neutralized by falsely reassuring words…
  • Rule #3: Institutions will not save you. It took Putin a year to take over the Russian media and four years to dismantle its electoral system; the judiciary collapsed unnoticed. The capture of institutions in Turkey has been carried out even faster, by a man once celebrated as the democrat to lead Turkey into the EU. Poland has in less than a year undone half of a quarter century’s accomplishments in building a constitutional democracy…
  • Rule #4: Be outraged. If you follow Rule #1 and believe what the autocrat-elect is saying, you will not be surprised. But in the face of the impulse to normalize, it is essential to maintain one’s capacity for shock. This will lead people to call you unreasonable and hysterical, and to accuse you of overreacting. It is no fun to be the only hysterical person in the room. Prepare yourself…
  • Rule #5: Don’t make compromises. Like Ted Cruz, who made the journey from calling Trump “utterly amoral” and a “pathological liar” to endorsing him in late September to praising his win as an “amazing victory for the American worker,” Republican politicians have fallen into line. Conservative pundits who broke ranks during the campaign will return to the fold. Democrats in Congress will begin to make the case for cooperation, for the sake of getting anything done — or at least, they will say, minimizing the damage…

Believe the Autocrat

Let’s Talk Scents

I can’t do politics any more. I just can’t.

Let’s talk scents… 1

Let's Talk Scents

GQ: What do you imagine success smelling like?

Hair Furer: I can’t say sweetness. I can’t say flowery. I would say it has a good scent.

GQ: So, those were the qualities you were looking for when you made your new cologne, Success?

Hair Furer: Well, we did a lot of testing. I relied on the professionals to a certain extent. I asked them for a range of what’s been acceptable over the years and they brought me a lot of things. But I made the final choice.

GQ: How long have you been wearing cologne?

Hair Furer: I started in my 30s. More or less for formal events. I’d wear it with tudos (sp) and things. But over the years I think, really, I’ve changed. I tend to use cologne more. I’ve always liked sweet smells.

GQ: How do you apply cologne? Are you a walk-through-the-cloud guy?

Hair Furer: I just spray my neck and behind the ears.

GQ: Are there smells you hate?

Hair Furer: Well 2 , there are things you don’t want to mention. In terms of fragrance, sometimes I smell things on people that are just terrible—things that make you not like them. We tried to stay away from those things. 3

GQ: What should someone smell like for an interview?

Hair Furer: I would say it depends on how close they’re going to get. If I’m doing an interview with a person from my desk, the person’s fifteen feet away or more, then I don’t smell the fragrance.

GQ: So have you ever fired someone because they literally stunk?

Hair Furer: No. Actually, maybe that’s not a correct answer. I’ve had people where it’s a little unpleasant. Not because of the cologne—I’ve never fired anybody for the wrong cologne—but I have fired people that, and maybe it wasn’t the main reason, didn’t exactly smell good. Maybe that was an early indicator, as they say.

Success by Trump will be sold as a four-piece collection and range from $14 to $55. 4

Let's Talk Scents

Show 4 footnotes

  1. And perhaps drive some Trumpistas mad.
  2.  Menstruating women!
  3. And menstruating women. I hate that.
  4. I can’t imagine His Reign lasting, at the most, more than a couple of years. But oh what years the will be…