Category Archives: funny

Incoming!

Incoming!

KAISERSLAUTERN, Germany — A bright-red, mock “incoming missile” message that was mistakenly sent to all wing personnel at Spangdahlem Air Base on Tuesday was recalled in about eight minutes.

It wasn’t enough time to cause widespread panic but it was just enough time for someone to take a screen shot of the image and post it to social media, causing the wing some embarrassment as people poked fun at the error on Facebook and it was first reported by Air Force Times.

The message, which read, “MISSILE INBOUND. SEEK SHELTER IMMEDIATELY!” originated in the command post of the 52nd Fighter Wing, spokesman Maj. Bryon McGarry said.

Since this is The Stars and Stripes that we’re talking about, there were no comments on the article.

Which is a crying shame, ’cause servicemen are rather inventive that way.

Incoming!

Peeing on the Pancakes

The day after the election, I knew that when my daughter came home from school I would have to try, once and for all, to explain Trump’s victory to her. According to her principal’s e-mail, it had been discussed throughout the school day and had even been the subject of an assembly. But I was still at a loss. How could I explain what had happened without scaring her? As I saw it, millions of adults had done something very stupid on Election Day. There’s nothing more terrifying to a child than the idea that adults don’t know what they’re doing.

But then I thought, Maybe not. There’s a strong argument that there’s nothing more hilarious to a child than the notion of adults screwing up. The cliché of the bumbling sitcom dad, as well as every Kevin James movie ever made, relies on this principle. When kids see adults do something stupid, it makes them feel smarter and more secure about their own place in the world. Finally, I had something I could work with.

When my daughter came home, I sat her down at the kitchen table, gave her a Kit Kat from her hoard of Halloween candy, and offered this explanation of the election: “Imagine the stupidest thing you could ever do, like peeing on a stack of pancakes. Now, imagine that the United States is a stack of pancakes. Millions of grownups just peed on it.”

Peeing on the Pancakes

RoboClowns

An automated call to parents and guardians from the San Francisco Unified School District implies that the concern is real, if misplaced, and heightened by schoolyard stories and social media posts among impressionable students.

“What we know is that no actual assaults have been reported in the Bay Area,” says a school social worker on the below voicemail recording. “We encourage you to speak with your child about what they are really feeling.”

…As evidenced by the SFUSD robocall, the unflappable adult world is leading its progeny by example. You know, by somewhat prematurely banning clown costumes this upcoming Halloween in a South Bay school district according to ABC7, for instance. TV news is busy launching investigations into clown costume sales (up 300 percent) and asking the tough questions: What effect is this having on everyday working clown performers and businesses, hmmm?)

RoboClowns