Category Archives: food

Kansas City

Kansas City has another authentically French bakery.

Gabrianna, A French Bakery, located in Waldo, will deliver fresh pastries to your home, as well as cater a private or public event. Per their FB page:

Gabrianna is a French bakery delivery service new to the Kansas City area. Inspired by the culture and recipes of her native country, France, Cecile Rocher strives to bring traditional pastries, breads, desserts and cookies to those dreaming of having breakfast in Paris. But if a trip to Paris is not in your budget, hopefully an order from Gabrianna’s will transport your taste buds there for a fraction of the cost.

Juste la chose pour une main de petit déjeuner gratuity, n’est-ce pas?

Kansas City

Minnesota Vikings’ Donut Club

“We just like to see commitment from guys. We need to see proof that you want to be a part of this club and want to be part of something bigger than yourself.”

That quote isn’t just another cliché being spewed by an NFL player about next week’s game. It’s a passionate explanation from veteran linebacker Chad Greenway about a different kind of club that meets early on Saturday mornings and follows a rule book that’s nearly as detailed as the league’s: The Minnesota Vikings’ Donut Club.

By even acknowledging its existence, Greenway has already broken the first rule of Donut Club. “I’m now getting yelled at for talking about it,” he says. “It’s like Fight Club. You’re going to get me in trouble.”

Donut Club has its roots in the 2008 season, when starting quarterback Gus Frerotte brought a few dozen donuts into the training room one Saturday morning. 1 They were devoured in a matter of minutes, and it became a regular thing. “I just kept bringing donuts in because it’s a great thing to see when a guy sees fresh, big-ass donuts and they want to eat them,” says Frerotte, who retired after that ’08 season, his 15th in the NFL. If he returned to the Vikings’ training room now, he wouldn’t recognize the cult-like institution that grew from his humble act of generosity.

The Donut Club has a governing body, uniform, membership requirement, schedule and strict guidelines to ensure proper etiquette. “I had no idea that they turned it into a club,” Frerotte said from his home in the Pittsburgh area, unaware of his legacy. “I love that there are rules. That’s what makes the game fun. It’s really nice to have a common bond about something stupid like that.”

[…]

The rules of Donut Club, as established by the board, have never been written down.

Until now.

Minnesota Vikings’ Donut Club

Show 1 footnote

  1. The donuts come from a local concern – YoYo Donuts. And because I know what you’re thinking…Delivery: Yes. $75 minimum order, within reasonable distance. Call Us! So if you want some you’re going to have to drive/fly up to Minnetonka, MN, yourself.

Burger King

In a little over 4 hours from this posting it will be April Fool’s Day in Japan. And, yes, they enjoy playing pranks as much as we do – maybe more. The most memorable of late was when Hachikō was “stolen” and France offered to replace him with a statue of a poodle.

Burger King is looking to up the practical joke stakes.

For hamburger aficionados who can’t get enough of it, Burger King has an answer: a grilled burger-scented fragrance..

Burger King said Friday that the limited “Whopper” grilled beef burger-scented cologne will be sold only one day on April 1, and only in Japan.

Apparently a real thing, the ‘fragrance’, entitled Flame Grilled, will be sold in a limited amount – 1,000 bottles. The cost? A mere 5,000 yen ($40) per.

Even for Japan this is weird. 1

エイプリルフール!

Burger King

Show 1 footnote

  1. Though, come to think of it….the ‘fragrance’ would probably go over well at certain Kansas City meat markets down in Westport or at the Power and Light.

Headless Chicken

Philosopher Paul Thompson from Purdue University has suggested “The Blind Chicken Solution.” He argues that chickens blinded by “accident” have been developed into a strain of laboratory chickens that don’t mind being crowded together as much as normal chickens do. As a result, he argues, we should consider using blind chickens in food production as a solution to the problem of overcrowding in the poultry industry. He argues that it would be more humane to have blind chickens than ones that can see.
But Ford goes a step further and proposes a “Headless Chicken Solution.” This would involve removing the cerebral cortex of the chicken to inhibit its sensory perceptions so that it could be produced in more densely packed conditions without the associated distress. The brain stem for the chicken would be kept intact so that the homeostatic functions continue to operate, allowing it to grow.

Ford proposes this solution for two reasons: To meet the rising demand for meat, particularly poultry, and to improve the welfare of the chickens by desensitizing them to the unpleasant reality of their existence.

A challenge for Ford’s system would be the lack of muscular stimulation. However, Ford proposes using electric shocks similar to that used in other lab meat experiments.

The likeness to The Matrix has not gone unnoticed by Ford. “The similarities are patent, although in The Matrix the dominant species were kind enough to provide the subspecies with a (sic) alternate reality, which was far better than the their ‘real’ post-apocalyptic world,” he told us. “This was a lovely gesture by ‘The Machines,’ but the chickens in this system will not be privy to such a luxurious appendage to an already elaborate system, especially in this age of austerity.”

(via)

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BBQ Kittens at KSMO-TV!

Nummie!

We’re guessing the KSMO-TV anchors broadened their culinary tastes this past 4th of July, what with the last decent kitten recipe to come along occurring nearly 3 years ago. 1 If well presented on an off white Chinet plate –the meat thinly sliced & dribbled with sauce, a small pile of dill pickles, some potato salad and baked beans — most guests would easily overlook that subtle hint of sarcastic domesticity that flavors feline meat. Add beer into the mix (we’re talking at a TV station, right? hoo boy…add a lot of beer and liquor!) and one could come away believeing they had just had the most flavorful BBQ’d chicken in their life.

They’re animals at KSMO-TV, we tell you, just animals! 2 3

(Thanks for the pic, Anne.)

Show 3 footnotes

  1. Kung Pao Kitten: skin your freshly killed kitten; cleave into chunks; marinate the feline in a (table quality) white wine, soy sauce, and oil for 3 hours; lightly saute until kitty is browned. Deglaze the pan with a hearty sherry; add water chestnuts and peanuts, serve over rice. Et voila !.
  2. Though I’d be interested in knowing what sort of kitten rub they used to knock down a feline’s natural gaminess.
  3. Also? Anyone heard if there’s a recent chyron operator position come open at KSMO-TV?

Food Trucks

Food trucks are all the rage in Kansas City.

Not only can any food specialty be served up out of the rear end of these beasts, but every Tom, Dick and Harriet in KC either reviews or pimps them.

WNBTv avoids food trucks, having once miserably suffered an interminable 48 hours of pain and degredation, the noxious results of a toxic ‘sloppy joe’ ladled up from the dark interior of a ‘roach coach’ at the old G.E.M. discount store.

Moreover WNBTv is not enamoured of eating on the street, with all its attendant sartorial dangers. 1 But to each their own, we often mumble with our mouth full.

However, the way the local foodies rave about food trucks, you might get the impression Kansas City was a food truck mecca, with the devout making long, arduous pilgrimages to the Midwest in hopes of cadging but a moist crumb from the ideal cupcake. 2

Unfortunately, nothing could be further from the truth.

We hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Kansas City isn’t on anyone’s list of Best Food Truck cities, much less in the Top 5 for North America.

We think the whole fad is yet another product of the e-vil modern Tupperware salesmen. 3

That being the case, whichever roach coach one patronizes make sure they at least offer bicarbonate of soda.

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Show 3 footnotes

  1. We have enough problems with staining our ties under normal circumstances, let alone slurping down a fast meal on the go.
  2. And what the fuck is up with cupcakes as the Golden Fleece? Talk about short attention spans combined with low expectations…
  3. The first being the existence of Tupperware itself.

First World Excess

Yummmm..er Ack!!!!The second unofficial spokesman for the Heart Attack Grill in downtown Las Vegas has died from an apparent heart attack.

John Alleman suffered a heart attack last week as he waited at the bus stop in front of the restaurant, located inside the Neonopolis at Fremont Street and Las Vegas Boulevard.

Alleman was taken off life support shortly after 1 p.m. on Monday, said restaurant owner Jon Basso. He was 52.


“He lived a very full life,” said Basso, who seemed shaken when reached by phone Monday evening. “He will be missed.”

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