Category Archives: Eirôn

Nepotism

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)— Offering a stunningly blunt appraisal of the North Korean leader, Jared Kushner said on Tuesday that Kim Jong-un was a “totally unqualified person” who attained his position of power only through nepotism.

“Here you have a guy who has no government experience, and he’s in charge of the whole thing,” Kushner said, in an interview with Fox News. “It’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard of.”

Kushner noted that, instead of working his way up and acquiring the skills necessary to do his job, the North Korean leader had been given huge responsibilities and power “only because of family connections.”

“There’s only one word for that,” he said. “Nepotism.”

Nepotism

Incoming!

Incoming!

KAISERSLAUTERN, Germany — A bright-red, mock “incoming missile” message that was mistakenly sent to all wing personnel at Spangdahlem Air Base on Tuesday was recalled in about eight minutes.

It wasn’t enough time to cause widespread panic but it was just enough time for someone to take a screen shot of the image and post it to social media, causing the wing some embarrassment as people poked fun at the error on Facebook and it was first reported by Air Force Times.

The message, which read, “MISSILE INBOUND. SEEK SHELTER IMMEDIATELY!” originated in the command post of the 52nd Fighter Wing, spokesman Maj. Bryon McGarry said.

Since this is The Stars and Stripes that we’re talking about, there were no comments on the article.

Which is a crying shame, ’cause servicemen are rather inventive that way.

Incoming!

Au Courant

This week’s au courant links…

And finally, a hillbilly who didn’t vote for our Manchurian President-elect:

Au Courant

Show 1 footnote

  1. You HAVE seen Incorporated, n’est-ce pas?

Starting a War

When they tell you it wasn’t bigotry and hate that changed the face of America…

Lenny Bolton, who rents a house between Mount Olive and Goldsboro, insists it was the state of the economy, not prejudice, that troubled him. Even so, bigotry appears to linger not far below the surface.

“I mean, there ain’t no jobs around here because the aliens are working for next to nothing,” he said. “Does that sound American to you? We’re giving our prosperity to them.”

When asked if he’d be willing to pick cucumbers or tobacco, Bolton got defensive. “Just because I don’t want that kind of work doesn’t mean some Mexican should get it. A part of me says we should let them stick it out on them fields, but it ain’t right.”

So who, then, should companies like Mount Olive Pickle and Butterball hire to take on jobs men like Bolton want no part of?

“Give ’em to the blacks who sit at home on the porch all day,” he said. “Make ’em earn that government check. Know what I’m sayin’?”

The issues with illegal aliens in this country goes waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back:

[The Pilgrims] were also experienced exiles. Their twelve years in Holland had given them a head start in the difficult process of acculturation. Going native—at least to a certain degree—was a necessary, if problematic, part of adapting to life in a strange and foreign land. If their European grains refused to grow in this new environment, their very survival might depend on having planted a significant amount of American corn. They decided they had no choice but to take the corn. The place where they found the buried seed is still called Corn Hill.

The decision to steal the corn was not without considerable risks. They were, after all, taking something of obvious value from a people who had done their best, so far, to avoid them. The Pilgrims might have opted to wait until they had the chance to speak with the Indians before they took the com, but the last thing they possessed was time. They assured themselves that they would compensate the corn’s owners as soon as they had the opportunity.

But of course that didn’t happen. The recompense, we mean.

Instead the Pilgrims started a war.

We’re jes’ sayin’…

Starting a War

Christian Madness

Welp, looks like the batshit 0.016666666666667% of the nation is up to it’s old tricks again (No need to click the embedded link – text below the vid:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal and endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights 1. Since our Creator gave us these rights, we declare that no government has the right to take them away. Among these rights is the right to exercise our Christian beliefs as put forth in God’s Holy Bible.

We therefore declare that God grants life at conception and no one has the right to take that life unless it is a direct threat to the life of the mother.

Marriage was instituted by God between one man and one woman. The Lord gave only this family unit the responsibility to have children and raise them in the fear of the Lord.

We therefore respectfully reserve the right to refuse any mandate by the government that forces us to fund or support abortion. We also oppose same-sex marriage, polygamy, bestiality, and all other forms of sexual perversion prohibited by Holy Scripture.

We proclaim that Jesus has provided the cure for all sin and therefore reach out to the sinner in love, but do not embrace the sin, knowing its destructive nature.

Therefore, we, the undersigned—not only as Christians but also believing we have the constitutional rights as Americans to follow these time honored Christian beliefs—commit to conducting our churches, ministries, businesses, and personal lives in accordance with our Christian faith and choose to obey God rather than man.

Wow!

Notice how they stand up for themselves: “refuse any mandate by the government that forces us to fund or support abortion” and “oppose same-sex marriage, polygamy, bestiality, and all other forms of sexual perversion prohibited by Holy Scripture,”?

Too cool. Although, ya know, there are no such mandates. I mean, nobody’s forcing them to do that stuff now. But I get it – you won’t let “them” force you. should “they” decide to try. In, ya know, some future parallel word. Good on ya!

However, where Eirôn tapped us on the shoulder was when they state they’ve the right to force their hidebound beliefs on everyone else.

Then there’s the issue of slavery:

When a man strikes his male or female slave with a rod so hard that the slave dies under his hand, he shall be punished. If, however, the slave survives for a day or two, he is not to be punished, since the slave is his own property. (Exodus 21:20-21 NAB)

Slaves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ. (Ephesians 6:5 NLT)

Gee, Wally, does that mean we get to chain up the Negros again!?

Damn, but what some people won’t get up to left unsupervised…

Christian Madness

Show 1 footnote

  1. Wonder why he quits quoting the Declaration of Independence right before “…that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”? Hmmmmmm?