Drive the demons from the NSA data collection building known as “Titanpointe”! Mass exorcism ritual to purify data, reject false gods… and defend freedom of thought!
In the interests of metaphysically purging the edifice of the data it hoards and invoking a less maniacal version of citizen-government relations, on April 15th at 12 p.m. a cadre of priests, supplicants, and a volunteer choir affiliated with The Quiet American will exorcise the malevolent energy coursing through the so-called ‘Long Lines Building’ at 33 Thomas Street. This sacred day falls approximately one day before the rising of Christ, and three days before tax day.
Beginning with a prayer for the building’s physical materials and an invocation of the gods this architectural fiasco has insulted, exorcisors will then lay a perimeter of salt around the building to render ineffective the sinister frequencies it broadcasts. In a rite of liberation and fertility, thousands of pages of personal data, bouquets of flowers, and an ostrich egg will then be sacrificed to the building, thereby triggering a massive spiritual data hemorrhage that will release the banal facts of our lives back into their proper home – the ether — and expel the demons of fear and suspicion from the temple.
Windowless, monolithic, and creepy as all hell, the building at 33 Thomas Street is an altar to a false god, a monument to the bottomless fear that locks us in permanent war and makes us suspicious of our neighbors, our own towns and cities, our own capabilities and impulses. Windowless, shuttered to the world that it is intended to spy on, the building at 33 Thomas Street is a maelstrom of negative energy, a black hole that sucks up light in the form of our personal communications, then in some alchemical sleight of hand returns that light in the form of a panic and dread which we are assured is the real common currency of our civic life. Rather than allay fears of the end however, this brutalist heap – designed to withstand a nuclear assault and sustain the employees working within its bowels for two weeks – broadcasts paranoia.
No word yet as to whether the demons were removed… 1
Jebus H. Fucking Kerist On a Pogo Stick… Could this look any more like a payoff?
Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s low-selling 2014 memoir netted him another $218,100 last year, pushing his total book payments to $783,000 over the past four years, according to his tax returns.
Cuomo’s 2016 tax records, which his office made available for review Tuesday, showed the latest round of payments from HarperCollins, the major publisher that gave him a lucrative book deal in 2013.
The governor’s memoir — “All Things Possible: Setbacks and Success in Politics in Life“ — did not perform well: Just 3,200 copies sold since its release, including just 100 copies over the past two years, according to NPD Books, which tracks book sales nationwide.
It was a money-loser for HarperCollins, which ultimately paid Cuomo about $245 per book sold. It retailed at $29.99.
By now you’ve heard Jason Chaffetz has decided not to run for reelection next year, much less attempt to claim Orin Hatch’s Senate seat. 2 You can find Chaffetz’s stated reasons for his decision here.
Immediately the second guessing began: Does Russia have компромат on Chaffetz? Snopes is unwilling to say one way or the other, but the more cynical among us assume someone does.
Another theory is Chaffetz realized at a recent “town hall” meeting that his days of running roughshod over America in the name of ReThuggery is fast coming to an end. Another school of thought is that he’s positioning himself for a run at the Utah governor’s office in 2020. 3
Regardless which, if any, of these speculations holds true, the sooner the corrupt jackass takes his leave, the better.
Georgia don’t want no damned Dixie Democrat!
Five civil rights and civic engagement groups have filed suit against Georgia and its secretary of state for attempting to block registered voters from participating in a closely watched runoff election in Georgia’s 6th Congressional District.
On Thursday, the Lawyers’ Committee for Civil Rights Under Law filed a complaint in the federal district court in Atlanta, arguing that the state is violating the National Voter Registration Act. That law sets 30 days before a federal election as the earliest permissible deadline for voter registration.
Georgia complied with the provision for the special congressional election held this past Tuesday. But because no candidate won 50 percent of the vote, there will be a second election on June 20 ― a runoff between the top two finishers, Democrat Jon Ossoff and Republican Karen Handel.
Georgia election officials contend that the June runoff is simply a continuation of the special election this week, so they don’t have to allow newly registered voters to participate. The registration deadline for Tuesday’s election was March 20, and officials say anybody who registers after that day is not eligible to vote in the June runoff.
Ezra Rosenberg, co-director of the voting rights project at the Lawyers’ Committee, argues that under the federal law, Georgia can’t set the registration deadline for the June 20 runoff any earlier than 30 days before that election ― that is, May 22.
“The case is actually a very, very simple case,” Rosenberg told reporters on a conference call Thursday. “Federal law specifically defines elections as including runoff elections.”
We’re surprised Kris Kobach isn’t down Georgia way, offering his tried and true services, if only to distract himself from yet another court loss.
- Reminds us of the mythical skyscraper in The City that was purposely designed to put a dangerous edge on anything left in its confines; razor blades, knives, sharp suits… No word on whether Emperor Norton started that one. Or even Bear himself. The City has always been full of characters. ↩
- In fact rumors were swirling yesterday afternoon that Chaffetz could step down as early as today. As of this post…crickets. ↩
- Perhaps even the presidency; his campaign people have parked the following two domains – jason2028.com and jasonchaffetz2028.com. ↩