Just when we thought the radioactive boars were confined to northern Japan, comes now the Czech Republic with uplifting news:
The Czech Republic has an unusual problem this winter with its wild boar meat, a local delicacy. The boars are radioactive.
Actually, it’s not the boars themselves, but what they’re eating. A cold and snowy winter is forcing them to feed on false truffles, an underground mushroom common in the Sumava mountain region shared by Czechs, Austrians, Germans – and wild boars.
The mushrooms can absorb high levels of the radioactive isotope Caesium 137. And three decades ago the nuclear catastrophe at Chernobyl released a fair amount of Caesium 137 that eventually drifted down on the Sumava mountains.
Now the boars are eating the mushrooms, and ingesting the Caesium 137 along with them. That’s making their meat radioactive, Jiri Drapal at the State Veterinary Administration told Reuters.
“It is more or less a seasonal issue,” Drapal said.
But it’s a long season. The half life of Caesium 137 is 30 years – that is, it takes 30 years for the radioactivity of the isotope to fall to half its original value. Then another 30 to fall to half again, and so on. The boars could be glowing for quite a while.
“We can expect to find (affected) food for a number of years from now,” Drapal said.
And that could cause some problems with the supply of boar meat, which is popular in the Czech Republic. It often shows up on restaurant menus in goulash, a thick stew of meat, sauce and dumplings.
If at this point you’re thinking “Hey, Missouri has a nuclear facility…as does Kansas. And oh! WTF! Illinois has a shit-pile of them, both Iowa and Nebraska have one, as well as Tennessee and Arkansas! Fuck! Wait a minute…the only question now is: Are there boars around!?” 1, you can’t rightly be blamed.
The more important question though is – where are the nuclear waste storage facilities? 2
Who knows what the boars in the Midwest are ingesting? Perhaps soon we’ll have our own radioactive boars. 3
- The qualified answer is Yes! Missouri has a wild boar “issue.” And Arkansas has more than their share and, like those danged armadillos creeping up from Texas, the boars are no respecters of state lines, border walls or no. ↩
- And, no, Yucca Mountain does NOT count. ↩
- Which, again, is bad: being bitten by feral, radioactive animals is the leading cause of zombification. ↩