Meanwhile, Down in Tex-Ass…

But that didn’t prepare me for the full-throated, red-faced vitriol at last night’s debate over secession at the Texas GOP Convention. During an hour-long fight in the middle of the Friday platform vote, secession advocates tried to force back into the platform language that party leaders had dropped the previous night. “The federal government has impaired our right of local self-government,” the proposal claimed, setting up the potential for a statewide vote so that Texas could reassert its right to return to its original status as an independent nation.

“What ensued was an unruly battle of words — punctuated by boos, cheers, and applause — between secession advocates and opponents, while mild-mannered state GOP chair Tom Mechler struggled to keep order.

“Abortion came up repeatedly on the pro-secession side. One speaker claimed that the federal government has buried “states’ rights at the bottom of a landfill” under “the bodies of murdered babies,” to vigorous applause. Another proponent cited the current anti-transgender bathroom battle: Washington, she said, will “allow pervert men into women’s bathrooms.”

“She went on, to wild applause: “Who better to represent the will of Texas than Texas? I say secede now.”

The proposal was voted down.

Which is really unfortunate. Tex-Ass! v. White aside, it would have been fun to watch Tex-Ass! secede. And not just for the pitiful mewling that would ensue the first time Houston was again swamped by torrential rains –or maybe even a hurricane! Immediately Tex-Ass! would find itself hoisted on its flimsy financial petard, desperately wanting to beg the U.S. for money, but sovereign nations don’t do that, n’est-ce pas? Good times.

More entertaining, however, would be watching Tex-Ass! turn into a narco-state within a year.

The Juarez cartel, the Zetas and Sinaloans would make very short work of the “open carry” idiots as well as the National Guard and take control of the budding nation in the blink of an eye.

The bad news: The current Tex-Ass! – Mexico border is 1,254 miles long. The new Tex-Ass! – US border would be nearly 2,000 miles long, adding a few more million dollars to the cost of The Donald’s wall. But, fuck it – it seems such a small price to pay.

Meghan McCain

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