Fan Mail From Some Flounder

May 2

Hey dickhead,

WHy don’t you write something relevant? Like Trump cause he’s gonna kick CLintons’ ass. So tell me why Cruz is still running? Isn’t he like several hundred delegates behind Trump right? SO many that Cruz will not come close to the nominatin? So why does Cruz keep running? we should just give the crown to Trump now.

Jimmy,
Raytown

Jimmy,

At first glance your query has more to do with the emotions of embarrassment than political analysis. But only at first blush because, as we’ll see, there is a critical element of political calculation behind Cruz’s continuing Sisyphean efforts. To wit, why Cruz is still “in the race”:

  1. Money
  2. Denial/Insanity
  3. Fear of public impotency

Money is always the lead suspect in any criminal enterprise. In the case of Cruz’s ongoing crime spree the cash keeps pouring in from nitwits nation-wide. And though Teddy can’t –in theory– use those millions for personal use 1, he is allowed to donate some or all of the funds to charities or political parties; he can contribute $2000 per election to other candidates; or he can save the money in case he believes America won’t laugh in his face the next time he runs for president.

Saving the money is what politicians always refer to as building their war chest.

Complicating this looting consideration are the Super PACs – what becomes of leftover cash in a PAC is up to itself; they have broad discretion on how they disburse any remaining monies; perhaps to a charity, or to pay outstanding campaign expenses, consulting fees, et al. Sometimes they even return the money. 2

And, depending on state laws, the PAC might be able to contribute to the war chest of state-level pols. Which is another way of saying Cruz’s presidential Super PAC could end up funding his next Senatorial bid.

Fan Mail From Some Flounder

Denial is self-explanatory, as is insanity. And in many cases they are both inherited. That Cruz persists in the delusion that he will become president might be traced back to his father, an OG conservative, religious wingnut of the first stripe. In fact it will not surprise me a whit when Teddy finally reveals the horrendous mental and physical abuse he suffered at the hands of his father during childhood. 3

Fan Mail From Some Flounder

As for the fear of public impotency? Well, look at it this way: Cruz works in an environment where –so it is said– everyone pretty much hates his guts: He doesn’t play well with others, ridicules his playmates at every chance, and forces his ideas on the group at recess, even to their detriment. In short, he’s a world class asshole.

Now he’s absurdly losing a presidential primary to a political tyro who daily openly mocks him as “Lyin’ Ted”. So now he’s an asshole AND a loser. And he’s got to return back to class with the other kids.

When he fails to secure the GOP nomination the other kids are going to make fun of him for the rest of the time he’s there. In fact, they may escalate from simply picking on and bullying Teddy to outright beating on him like a red-headed stepchild. 4

Couldn’t happen to a more deserving batshit insane prick. 5

Regards,
Nick

p.s. – y’all having some lead contamination issues in Raytown? I don’t mean to pry, it’s just that I worry.

Fan Mail From Some Flounder

Show 5 footnotes

  1. That is, he can’t now. However, up to 1980 it was not only perfectly legal to spend excess money on oneself, Congress as an institution did so in such an over-the-top fashion reformers finally put a halt to the practice.
  2. Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
  3. Nor will I be surprised when Heidi eventually publishes her tell-all, detailing the unlovely things Teddy asked of her. I imagine it will make Mitt’s magic underwear fetish pale in comparison.
  4. Good.
  5. And this should be soon; if anyone working for Cruz has any sense –and, no, I don’t mean that morbidly obese piece of shit Jeff Roe– they’ll convince Cruz to withdraw from the race after Trump beats him today like a rented mule.

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