Kansas Booty Bounty

We recently noted that in an era of unisex bathrooms nearly everywhere, pee-shy North Carolina and Tennessee have cock-blocked transgender individuals from using a facility not in alignment with their birth sex, thereby simultaneously showing their asses to the nation and guaranteeing less jobs for both states. Total win!

Though maybe the whole jobs thing is a wash: sure, PayPal, Mercedes-Benz, Apple, Starbucks, Kellogg’s, Yahoo! and others are taking their high-paying jobs elsewhere due to N.C.’s HB2, but that doesn’t mean the bill won’t create a slew of other work. North Carolina is going to need bathroom inspectors like nobody’s business to properly enforce HB2. You know, people standing around asking to see everyone’s genitals? To make sure, you know? Tons of those jobs will be necessary. And the pay will have to be…what – at least 4 or 5 dollars an hour? Woo-ee! (UPDATE: Looks like a local blog expanded on our thought – fun stuff.)

Meanwhile, out here in Please Fly Over Us! land, and determined not to be out-witted 1 by a couple of insignificant 2 east-coast states, Brownbackistan has put together it’s own Ya Cain’t Pee Here bills,  ( SB 513 and HB 2737), though with a twist.

Always looking to snip off its phallus to spite its national “reputation”, the Kansas legislature crafted both bills such that not only would transgenders be banned from using public school and college facilities of their gender identities, but the bill will also award $2,5000 (via court action) to anyone who sees a transgender person in the “wrong” bathroom.

Why $2,500? To compensate for “all psychological, emotional and physical harm suffered as a result of a violation of this section.” 3

See what they did there? Instead of creating paid bathroom monitor positions –which would cost the state money, money Brownbackistan surely does not have– the state legislature instead turned Joe Blow 4 into rats stoolies Brown-shirts Nazis entrepreneurs, pulling themselves up into wealth, one zipper at a time.

Are you listening North Carolina, Tennessee and Mississippi?

Take a bunch of people off your welfare rolls, give them a spiffy park ranger-like uniform and a whistle, then station them in every public bathroom in your states.

What could possibly go wrong?

Kansas Booty Bounty

Show 4 footnotes

  1. Heh!
  2. Heh!
  3. You’re kidding us, n’est-ce pas? Accidentally seeing someone’s genitals entails psychological, emotional and physical harm? On what fucking planet? Jeez, the country is turning into a bunch of wusses.
  4. Gawd, we hope not! Isn’t that what these bills are trying to avoid!

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