New Hampshire

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary clinic. As she placed her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m so sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”

The distressed owner wailed, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead,” he replied.

“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something”.

The vet rolled his eyes, then turned round and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador. The duck’s owner looked on in amazement as the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out, returning a few moments later with a cat.

The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the duck from head to foot. The cat sat back on his haunches, shook its head, mewed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely a dead duck”.

Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!” she cried.

The vet shrugged. “I’m sorry. If you had taken my word for it, the bill would have been $50, but I had to add more for the the lab report and cat scan.

Take our word for it: Carson, Christie, Fiorina, ¿JEB? & Kasich are all dead ducks.

New Hampshire

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