Floria Redux

We published an item last week about Floria, a THC-infused lube/spray for the vajayjay. And, of course, stoners being stoners, herewith is what happens when you drink an entire bottle of the stuff.

I woke up the next morning and cried at my boyfriend about how badly I didn’t want to go to Disneyland, despite the fact that we had no plans to go to Disneyland that day or ever. After calming me down, he tucked me back into bed with a big bag of salt and vinegar potato chips and turned on Gilmore Girls. After hallucinating that Lauren Graham’s face was morphing into Ryan Gosling’s face for just a few seconds at a time, such that nobody besides me had ever noticed, I proceeded to nap for four hours. I woke up with potato chips all over my body, then asked my boyfriend to help wash me off in the shower because I didn’t feel capable of doing that on my own. I also vaguely remember having a mild panic attack about the fact that I didn’t know where our cat was. We don’t have a cat.

The next few days are a blur of snacking and crying. There are 10 text threads on my phone that I don’t remember typing and mysterious empty bags of Cheetos strewn about my apartment.

People, people, people; show some restraint, please. 1
Floria Redux

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  1. Although, frankly? Funny as shit…

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