The First 2015 GOP Debate

This is not a timely post. 1

That is mostly due to the laughably offensive ridership of this season’s GOP clown Borisbus: it is damned hard to take serious the preponderance of passengers.

And no small portion of our deferral was a desire to watch Stewart’s farewell show without that nasty Rethug taste in our mouth: we’re unsure Trevor Noah is up to replacing 2  Jon, and thus did not desire the GOP’s patented turd jelly of misogynistic racism to coat our preexisting sense of dread… 3

The 1st 2015 GOP Debate

Though it was a near thing. The ubiquitous drinking game meme was almost too good an opportunity to pass on 4, but at the last minute we instead had teh Google store the ‘debate’ on its cloud. Last evening, after a sweat-drenched half-round of golf at Swope 5 and the second shower of the day, we settled in with a beer to watch the circus.

Boy, were we not disappointed.

There were times when we went slack-jawed (FOX moderator – “Did you receive word from God on what to do?”), though given the stress on abortion throughout the show it was perfectly logical the candidates would play to the religious zealots that make up a scary portion of their base. And FOX’s opening, nailing Trump to the bejeweled (though already second-mortgaged) cross of his own making, was brilliant – FOX could not have any more effectively portrayed The Donald as a self-serving egotist had they spray-painted the word on his forehead. 6

And the way Kelly kept after Trump concerning his misogyny was impressive to see; especially the part where The Donald pretty much was forced to lap up all the bile Kelly spewed his way, which was so vitriolic we figured Kelly must have once been drugged and date-raped by Bill Cosby and was just now venting her considerable rage.

Not surprisingly Trump offered nothing concrete in the way of foreign policy, domestic policy, hell any policy you might want to mention. The man’s a gigantic zero. The best I can say for him is politically he’s Palin with a penis.

So imagine our surprise to read this morning that Trump “held his own.”

Carson 7 is obviously in it for the SuperPAC cash – we’ve known boy-band besotted teenaged girls with more geopolitical awareness than Ben; after the way FOX went after Trump, we waited (in vain) for them to pin Jeb to the mat with Terri Schiavo. While Bush The Too Many didn’t obviously step on his dick, he also didn’t distinguish himself; Rand Paul – oh, good kee-rist, no; Rubio held his own; Remind us again – why was Walker there?; Ohio’s Kasich appeared far too adult and reasonable for the GOP base – expect him to disappear soon; Huckabee (Fetal Personhood!), Christie (what a waste of tons of space) and Cruz (another fucking war-monger)? Whatevah!; (And earlier) Lindsey Graham must have copped some of Rick Perry’s oxytocin – he sounded like a stoner as he segued from Planned Parenthood to sending more soldiers to the Middle East. We kept waiting for him to ask if there were munchies…

We kept wondering what the Republican rank and ranker at home made of all this, not to mention the FOX moderators and commentators; after all Fox News flat out lied to the GOP base last go around – they promised Bain Romney would win. What were those paying along at home thinking?

The 1st 2015 GOP Debate

Overall the infotainment followed the tried and true GOP template – hit hard on emotion and wave your hands around a lot so the rubes don’t notice the dearth of logic. Highlights included:

  • “Repeal Obamacare!” (Just don’t fucking get sick if you’re poor)
  • “DoD needs all the money it is allotted and then some. Though we need to cut taxes. And balance the budget.” (Some of these fuckers make Brownback appear almost reasonable.)
  • “Sales taxes are equitable..oh, and kill the Death tax.”
  • “Kill regulations, they’re killing job creation.”
  • “Cut taxes to stimulate the economy.”
  • “Yes, we know the Planned Parenthood video was fraudulent. But it’s our new Benghazi, so get used to it.”
  • “Ban gay marriage.” (Seriously? That’s as likely as Boehner never crying in public again.)
  • “Get folks off the dole and back to work! (Well, at least the ones who aren’t already working 2-3 jobs and still not making a livable wage.)

At least that was our take. We’re not at all sure which of these clowns will become the GOP’s next rock star 8 so, as a sanity check, we perused a few of the quasi-local conservative blogs.

First up was the Sassy Conservative, who appears more mildly dim than anything; this is a lady who adores Palin and believes Coulter just recently went off the rails. In any event, she’s not a Trump fan. Rubio appears to be her favorite, followed by Scott Walker and John Kasich. She “love(d) Megyn Kelly and Bret Baier and 24 million people watched the debate last night.”

Over at Mike’s America (which we expect exists in some universe parallel to this one) the big winner was The American People. Hard to disagree there – the more folks that witnessed this shambling excuse for a GOP brain trust, the better. More important to Mike was the fact that “most of the candidates made repeated promises to repeal Obama’s unconstitutional Executive Orders and tear up his delusional agreement with Iran. All in all, not a bad start in the GOP selection process!”

And finally over at My Daily Trek, a sci-fi and ranting mum blog, Leticia was disenchanted with the FOX moderators of the Prime Time debate: “As for the Moderators, they were a HUGE disappointment and quite frankly shameful. Megyn Kelly was absolutely disgraceful. I lost a lot of respect for her tonight. I’m not sure what to think.” She also seems to admire Trump, though not as much as Cruz, Huckabee and ilk.

So, in a nutshell, the conservatives are as about as scattered in their opinions of their possible presidential candidates as the Left is of Hillary. 9

We expect that whomever the GOP eventually nominates will mercilessly maul Clinton’s negatives, real and imagined…if Hillary makes it that far, with the actual one-on-one contest being indescribably ugly.

Though if Trumps gets the nomination?

Cake-walk. Even if Papa Joe gets the Dems’ nod.

The 1st 2015 GOP Debate

Show 9 footnotes

  1. If by timely one means breathlessly, heedlessly scribbling down one’s thoughts before they’ve had a chance to fully form, much less be reflected upon.
  2. Right – we know he’s not meant to replace Stewart so much as carry on in the vein. It will be hard, however, not to make the comparison.
  3. Yeah, we know he’s not dying. But something died Thursday evening when Jon walked off that soundstage; all that remains is to discover whether it was a small or large thing.
  4. This because of the (as yet unopened) chili chile vodka we returned with from Colorado earlier this summer. However, ultimately a healthy fear of respect for Nora (along with avoiding the probable liver damage…not from the booze: Nora has a mean left hook) prevented that occurrence.
  5. A rare 39, reason enough  to quite while ahead.
  6. Though they might have had to use a neon color for it to be seen under that ridiculous comb-around-behind-and-over. Fuck, for most sentient beings The Donald’s hair is indicator enough to never, never let the man near anything important, much less breakable.
  7. Pro-torture; WTF?
  8. Did anyone by any chance see Bill Maher last night? The prohibitive favorite to win Cali’s governorship next time around, Gavin Newsom, was on. Newsom was deft, charismatic, thoughtful and well-spoken. He also plays to the middle while tossing the obvious bone to the base. We would not be surprised to see Newsome in a few more election cycles schooling the Cruzs, Pauls, even the Romneys.
  9. Another Hillary negative: you want us to vote for someone who willingly hangs out with the likes of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian?

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