Fuckin\ Florida

First it’s a handful of hanging chads and a presidency. 1 Next it’s fuckin’ dengue fever. Not content with those two catastrophes, Florida has decided to bring back leprosy. You know…just because.

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Leprosy cases in Florida are higher than normal and experts are blaming armadillos. Nine cases have been reported across Florida so far this year.

On average, the state only sees 10 cases for the entire year. Action News spoke to a trapper who said he takes extra precautions because of this danger.

Armadillos are very common all over Florida, and most of them live in the woods. But others could live near your home, and we learned that puts you and your family at risk.

“We catch more armadillos than we do any other species,” said wildlife trapper Kyle Waltz. Waltz is well aware of the risks that armadillos can carry. “Especially if they’re trying to get out of a cage they can spit on you,” Waltz said.

According to the CDC, armadillos are the only animal to carry leprosy, an age-old bacterial disease that affects the skin and nerves.

Right now you’re saying to yourself “what the fuck do I care if all of Florida gets leprosy and their fingers and toes drop off? Don’t they deserve it?”

Well, yes – they do deserve it. Thanks to their venal and baldly corrupt local election process they caused George the Lessor to be installed in the White House, which in turn caused Iraq to be illegally invaded and occupied, which – due to the moronic way Shrub’s War was financed (or, you know…not), along with the GOP-inspired lack of regulatory oversight of the pirates on Wall Street – was concomitant with the economic meltdown of 2007, the leavings of which still entangle the country even today. So, yes, in a very real way, fuck Florida. Having all their flesh drip off their bones sounds like just deserts, ya know?

However due to climate change/global warming those nasty lil’ armoured nightmares have been migrating northward the last 5 years. That’s right, even into Missouri and Kansas. 2

I mean, seriously – fuckin’ Florida.

Fuckin' Florida

Show 2 footnotes

  1. Well, actually first was the whole alligator wrestling thang. What the fuck is that about?
  2. Though, ya know, fuck Kansas, too. For all the usual Brownbackian reasons…

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