Sometime today Hillary Clinton is scheduled to announce her candidacy for President of these here United States.
Though not at a surprise in any sense, the announcement will be treated by the media as the second coming of Moses descending Mount Sinai, those ponderous stone articles of faith clutched to his breast.
The slightly less bearded Hillary is rumored to have aligned her campaign with The Tenets of Obama, a burden equal to the Decalogue. And of course there’s Bill, her wandering husband; no less substantial a weight than Mount Sinai itself will Hillary drag behind her.
All of which promises entertaining theater in the 18 months ahead.
But, if Hillary interrupts The Masters 1, where Tiger is threatening to maybe finish third (or possibly second: Lefty chokes at these events like clockwork) after what seems like 40 years of wandering the wilderness, I swear to fuckin’ Jebus Ke-rist I’ll vote a straight-line Republican ticket come November 2016. 2
- A huge white person problem, second only to that time a Race For The Cure 5K cut off my route to the old CAI-sponsored crawdaddy festival; talk about annoying! ↩
- Not that it will make a rat’s ass; the ReThugs will trounce the Dems at the polls next year if Hillary is their candidate. If I was too subtle above, let me speak plainly here: Hillary’s carrying far too much weight to win. Period. The Dems would do better to find an electable candidate; Al Gore, Elizabeth Warren, Pluto, or even Grandpa Biden… ↩