Out Of Wedlock

You have to hand it to Tex-ass.

Just when one thinks Kans-ass 1 is about to run away with Teh Stoopid title, along comes a peach of a Texan to defend that state’s jackassery crown.

Tex-ass gubernatorial candidate Greg Abbott says that lifting a ban on gay marriage will raise the number of children born out-of-wedlock.

At first blush it appears Greg may have attended too many of those state-mandated Intelligent Design classes, or not paid enough attention in Basic Biology, or hell, maybe Greg just wasn’t listening when his Pa explained the whole birds n’ bees thing to him.

But, no – Greg’s argument is more…subtle than that.

“…Texas’s marriage laws are rationally related to the State’s interest in reducing unplanned out-of-wedlock births. By channeling procreative heterosexual intercourse into marriage, Texas’s marriage laws reduce unplanned out-of-wedlock births and the costs that those births impose on society. Recognizing same-sex marriage does not advance this interest because same-sex unions do not result in pregnancy.”

There are any number of issues with Greg’s assertion, not the least of which is its rampant stupidity: Massachusetts, the very first state to legalize same-sex marriage, has a nearly 10% less out-of-wedlock birthrate than Tex-ass.

Then there’s the fact that same-sex couples do adopt children, some of whom were sired out-of-wedlock.

Conversely, many Texan wives are about to hit menopause (or so they nightly tell their husbands while stealing all the covers, flinging them off, then stealing them again, flinging them off…): shouldn’t these flagrant just-having-sex-to-have-sex couples be broken apart?

Greg’s also worries, Thor bless him, about the human race:

“Texas’s marriage laws…are needed to ensure economic growth and the survival of the human race,”

Wow. That put’s a whole different spin on it; Greg is making sure that Tex-ass does its part to insure humanity’s survival! Good job, Greg!

But…wait; isn’t the current world population just a hair over 7.25 billion? yeah…whew – had us worried for a second.

Unless…

Nah.

Maybe…

You don’t think Greg knows something we don’t about that Ebola problem Dallas is having, do you?

Out of Wedlock

Show 1 footnote

  1. Where the citizenry are, according to the latest polls, unaccountably prepared to return to office i.) a 78-year-old U.S. Senator who is not only confused about in which state he resides, but also readily admits to having crafted very little legislation, none of it useful; and ii.) a Governor who’s hand-crafted economic policies have depleted the State’s treasury, shoved education into a minimally funded black hole and further enhanced Kans-ass’ reputation for idiocy.

2 Replies to “Out Of Wedlock”

  1. The best birth control device ever invented was the GIRDLE which was used when i WAS A YOUNG MAN. They were so hard to get off you forgot why you wanted them off.

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