For those who haven’t run across the phrase Schrödinger’s asshole, it generally refers to someone who utters the most vile and offensive statements, then sits back to gauge the reaction before deciding to claim it was a joke or that you misunderstood either their ‘intent’ or ‘context’. 1
Pat Robertson certainly qualifies as a Schrödinger’s asshole.
And we’re beginning to think Sen. Pat Roberts qualifies, what with his meandering brain perpetually losing track of in which state it resides: Hey, I visit Kansas every time I have an opponent…wait! That’s not right, I was just kidding – Kansas is my home state, I live there, I sleep on the couch at a friend’s house every time I go back to visit…Wait! That’s not what I meant, I meant I live in Dodge City, KS, I love it! I was back there at least seven times last year…wait!
The friendly advice Sen. Roberts has received is simple enough: shut your pie-hole.
But like Reagan, Thurmond and numerous other solely political creatures before him, the closer to senility Roberts approaches, the more determined he is to prove otherwise, thereby guaranteeing even more Schrödinger’s asshole moments. 2
And if the morons of Kansas re-elect him (for no discernible reason; always the best kind…) you can be assured of six more years of them.
But, hey! Anything as long as Kans-ass stays Red, right?