I hear you, John; I understand Congressional Republicans won’t do anything. That’s not really a surprise; Republicans haven’t done anything in years. What I’m saying is I don’t need ’em to bomb Iraq & Syria the fuck up. But, hey! Thanks for coming by…

That’s pretty much what Obama told Boehner yesterday: “You know…just fuck off with your “cooperation”; I’ll do this shit myself.” 1

And tonight Obama will take to the airwaves to make the same case, buttressed, we’re sure, by histrionics to the effect of that if we don’t bomb the shit out of ISIS in Iraq and Syria, said terrorist organization will surely end Western Civilization as we know it.

Obama’s theory plays to both certain members of the chattering class 2 and the sagacity of the American public, 90% of whom (as polled by CNN) believe ISIS is a real threat right here in the Homeland. Perhaps ISIS is lurking, even now, down there in Tijuana, eating greasy fish tacos and swilling Modelo’s, waiting on the final word from their Supreme Commander to smuggle across our porous border — chain-link fence be damned! — all the nuclear weapons we could never find in Iraq, these to be unleashed on unsuspecting American cities from El Cajon, Cali, to Lubec, Maine. Holy Radiation, Batman!

That this narrative of America’s easy susceptibility to the dastardly ISIS machinations deliberately elides the existence in the US of 300,000,000 gun owners 3, not to mention the uncountable number of illegal weapons, to include LAWs, RPGs, fully automatic M-16s and M-60s; that this dread tale will not touch on the numerous American cities where ISIS would be handed its collective heads the minute it showed up in their Iraqi Army uniforms (East St. Louis, Kansas City’s eastside, hundreds of small hamlets in Montana, Wyoming Colorado, Nevada, Arizona, Florida, Mississippi…you get the idea); that Obama’s tale of doom will also not mention the impressive array of forces aligned against an invading ISIS – every service’s reserve units, as well as America’s locally based standing Army, Air Force and Marines -; all the above is so risible as to be beyond belief.

Thoroughly and easily predictable, yes. Believable, no.

Yet tonight that is what you will be asked to accept.

Wake up, people; if the military-industrial complex does not yet have a stranglehold on our country, it will not be long before the imaginary war of Baron Munchausen becomes a permanent fixture in America.


Show 3 footnotes

  1. Yet another perfect example of a Schrödinger’s asshole: House Republicans are in the process of suing Obama over executive actions while at the same time ducking a vote on authorizing action against ISIS militants, said maneuver guaranteeing that Obama will…wait for it…use executive actions to deal with ISIS.
  2. David Brooks is an easy target, though I do prefer Ackroyd’s “Jane, you ignorant slut..” style: far more honest.
  3. If the NRA are to be believed…and who would doubt such a fine, upstanding organization?

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