Tony Soprano: What I’ve Been Up to Since the Show
As many of yous recently heard, I’m still alive, despite those shady-lookin’ guys who were coming into the diner the last time you saw me, in 2007. That year changed a lot of things for my family and me—and, with all the recent discussion about what happened to us, I thought it was time to set the record straight.
First of all, I hate that Journey song, “Don’t Stop Believin’,” from the end of the show, and, after the power was restored following that massive tristate-area blackout, my daughter, Meadow, went over to the jukebox and changed it to “Umbrella,” by Rihanna, which was a big hit at the time.
Many of you may remember that my wife, Carmela, and I had been fighting for years, and that I was starting to feel real claustrophobic in our Jersey suburb. Carmela had gotten accustomed to that life style, but I decided that it was time to make a clean break, and headed to the Oregon shore, where I bought a little house and started going for long daily walks while listening to “This American Life” on my Android. Dr. Melfi, my shrink, came with me for a little while—you recall the palpable attraction between us—but I could tell that she missed the East Coast. Eventually, I said, “Listen, Jen, I really appreciate this, but I can tell that you’re miserable out here. Why don’t we remember the good times, like when you didn’t tell me about what that guy did in that parking lot, and I didn’t kill him by bludgeoning him for thirty-five minutes with the handle of an oven from a pizza shop?”
I was a little lonely after that, but not too bad…
Also…the original in-depth VOX piece is worth a read.
However the most amusing upshot of the article was VOX’s subsequent piqué une crise following SavedYouAClick’s Twitter spoiler; VOX and others immediately went existential, questioning SavedYouAClick’s right to live.
As bubbles in the bong water go, fairly funny. 1