Lees and Orts

We were meandering ’round downtown last week when it hit us what First Friday’s are really about: they’re a coping mechanism for all those erstwhile teenagers who — back in the day — were continually told how brilliant they were. These perpetual mini celebrations make the actuality of their average intelligences (and extremely average art) far more palatable. Plus…Legos!

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Arya Stark: “Fine little blade. Maybe I’ll pick my teeth with it.”
Polliver: (gurgles blood and dies, eyes bulging)

That little bit was worth every illegal flaming hoop we jumped through to secure GoT sans HBO.

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We are not, by and large, enamoured of the steampunk movement; we can’t seem to get beyond the whole lice thing. Oh, and festering sores. Though tincture of opium holds out some promise…


Were we to ever purchase a walking stick it might be this one.

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We had tradespeople out to the manse today. Specifically, a plumber and his apprentice. This dynamic duo were en suite a bare thirty minutes yet left a couple hundred dollars richer. Which is fine: the price is the price 1 and I called them.

In an interesting twist on that concept, today a scant twenty thousand Kansas Citian’s voted to call in plumbers for about a half billion dollars worth of work. The repayment of said funds will very nearly double our water rates…which just doubled over the last year, thank you very little…over the upcoming year.

And then double them again.

We voted (in vain) against that particular notion. Not because we don’t believe the water/sewage system is in dire disrepair. Nor because we’re against Progress! in general. We voted in the negative because we simply don’t believe Sly or his Tupperware sales people.

What we do believe is that Sly and the James Gang will distribute the upcoming waterfall of cash such that soon afterward real newspapers 2, federal prosecutors 3 and the FBI will eventually make public a number of bathetically tawdry, entirely all too predictable felonies. If you think that alarmist you’ve forgotten Councilman Brooks’ dick’s appearance and the disappearance of  $15K.

We believe $500 million and a decade or two later you will have forgotten why the city passed the bond issue to begin with; that the city will still host endless potholes 4, disintegrating sidewalks, darkened street-lights and bone dry “signature” fountains.

We believe after that $500 million is gone the Mayor will again refuse an outside audit of the water department.

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Show 4 footnotes

  1. It’s always knowledge for which one pays, n’est-ce pas?
  2. No, Kansas City Star, we’re not talking about you.
  3. Brought in from the outside.
  4. Including the freaking steel plate just down the block that for the last six months has aided and abetted the mass exodus of Brookside’s worst kept secret – rats.

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