Cursed

Some teams make such drastic (or profoundly stupid) changes to the very fabric of their existence that they are forever doomed to wander around the edges of their sport – participants but never players, within sight of a brass ring always just out of their reach. They’ve been cursed:

The Curse of the Bambino. The Curse of Coogan’s Bluff. The Madden Curse. 1 The Sports Illustrated Cover Jinx. The Rodman Curse. 2

The Boston Red Sox. The Cleveland Browns. Da Cubbies. Every team in Detroit. North Korea. All cursed.

The commonality between all these teams is they brought it on themselves. Even the weird Australian futbol witch doctor curse was precipitated by the team. 3

One could even argue both the Royals and the Chiefs have cursed themselves over the years with their combined willful stupidity and singular concern over the “bottom line”; WalMart Boy’s idiocy in firing Hal McRae during the last winning Royals’ season so he could force a strike is a perfect example of that. 4

Jake Dyer would beg to disagree.

Jake thinks the problem is with art. Yes, art. As in modern art. Specifically, the shuttlecocks gracing The Nelson’s front lawn. Jake contends that since these birdies were installed both the Royals and the Chiefs fortunes have mysteriously waned.

And, damn it, Jake’s had enough. He wants the offending badminton pieces removed, banished from the kingdom forever more so that peace, tranquility and winning sports franchises may be restored to our fair city. Per his Change.org petition:

Dubbed as “The Curse of the Shuttlecocks”, our two beloved sports teams have yet to win a playoff game since they were placed on the lawn of the Nelson-Atkins Art Museum in 1994. However, in the 10 years before that, the Royals had 7 winning seasons and a World Series Championship. in the 3 years before their placement on Kansas City soil, the Chiefs had won 3 playoff games. Since then, the Chiefs haven’t won a single playoff game despite several good seasons, and the Royals have only had 2 winning seasons only to fall apart before the post season.

How much longer are you willing to take the depression that follows each year of sports failures? How long will you go witnessing 4 touchdown leads torn apart, and 5 of the best players injured despite relatively healthy seasons. I know Dwayne Bowe wants to see them gone, as he told the Kansas City Star “They need to take ’em down then, man.” in 2008. He even offered to get some of his friends from Miami to do it.

RIght now he just needs 9 more signatures.

Last night we messaged Jake a buncha questions about this — “How big a goof is this; surely you don’t seriously think that art can cause a sports curse…right? If you DO think some stationary birdies can cause a sports curse…how might that be; do they have weird inanimate psychic powers garnered from…where, exactly? Or do they somehow sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids? Wait -are you safely back in Columbia right now (Jake’s an engineering student at MU) getting high on some good boo, giggling your ass off that your petition already has 91 signatures?” — but he was apparently all wrapped up in The Curse of the BCS Bowls and has yet to respond. If and when he does we’ll let you know what he was thinking and what he plans on removing next. 5 6

In the meantime, run round and maybe sign his petition, be part of history.

Cause we’re sure The Nelson is gonna be all over that shit.

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Show 6 footnotes

  1. Our personal fave.
  2. This is a relatively new curse that afflicts mostly Dennis Rodman himself, though he seems oblivious of its bizarre effects. However that shit may rub off so don’t get too close to the guy. We’re serious – look what happened to Jang Song Thaek and all he did was play a little round-ball with Dennis…
  3. How stupid can you get: you hire a witch doctor to put the evil eye on the other team; the natural MD does just that; then you don’t pay him? This shouldn’t be considered a curse, just the logical consequences of plain stupidity.
  4. We’d offer an example of the Chiefs’ administrative woes but they are so plentiful we wouldn’t know which to select. And their on-field problems were just thoroughly hashed, rehashed and hashed again all over the national media this past weekend.
  5. If we get a vote? We would opt to remove both current Royals and Chiefs ownership.
  6. Or maybe for KMBC to bring back Lisa Teachman. Sorry, Joel, but my email since last week has overwhelmingly been full of pleas for information on Teachman: why did she leave; where did she go; will she be coming back; does Lisa die of Morgan’s gunshot or does she really ride off to a happy ending? These and more. Folks, I’ve never met Lisa Teachman. I don’t know what happened to her, why her contract (apparently) wasn’t renewed, why her bio is still up on the KMBC site and she is still listed as part of the Weather Team. Short of her reading this {snerk} and volunteering that information, you might as well –as the saying goes — get used to disappointment.

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