Carlos Beltran

The Young Carlos Beltran at The Ready

WTF? You just signed me and you’re already thinking about trading me, aren’t you? Admit it, you pussies! Cowards! Why the hell did you waste a draft pick on me then? Fuckin chinga tu madre muthafuckers!

The Royals’ push to reacquire free-agent outfielder Carlos Beltran accelerated Tuesday in face-to-face meetings and negotiations at Kauffman Stadium.

The Royals chose not to comment beyond confirmation that talks with Beltran took place.

This is my fault.

Back in October I glibly remarked that Beltran would look good in Royals blue. Okay okay, truth: I was snarkily commenting on the Royals’ historical propensity for drafting outstanding players then dumping them as soon as they wanted ‘real’ money.

I should have also mentioned the equally obnoxious flip side of that particular coin: the Royals’ weird fetish for (re)acquiring excellent players, after their prime, and then paying them ‘real’ money.

Carlos Beltran is a perfect example.

The Star suggests that should the Royals nab Beltran they could lease out ol’ BBQ Billy, saving themselves $20.5 million over a couple of years. That’s almost correct: Beltran is said to want $15 million for two or three years, so at the most you ‘save’ $5 million.

But baseball is NOT about saving money. 1

Baseball, like most sports, is about winning. And how one wins. And one doesn’t win by trading for power hitters past their prime.

Yes, I know Beltran passed Ruth this fall for number of dingers struck in post-season.

Yes, I’ve seen Beltran’s total numbers for post-season play. Who hasn’t?

Beltran's Post-Season Numbers

Know what I haven’t seen, though? The Royals in any post-season play since ’85.

So what, exactly, does a 37 year old Beltran buy the Royals they don’t already have in BBQ Billy? 2

No, let the Yankees, Boston or Seattle make an idiotic, outrageous offer for Beltran and save the Royals from themselves.

And, again, let me apologize for even raising the subject; I know how stupid the Royals can be in these things.

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Show 2 footnotes

  1. That’s right, I looking at YOU, Mr. David “I’m As Tight As Bark On A Tree” Glass.
  2. My working hypothesis is that signing a marquee player buttresses Kansas City’s opinion of itself; “Look, ma, we’re star worthy!” More money in this town has been wasted on appearances than a other reason.

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