Frankly, this woman should be disbarred, disrobed or whatever they do to massage ‘therapists’. The only relaxation technique sure to work on opossums is the judicious placement of an iron or steel shovel. It’s guarangodamnedteed. 1

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  1. Well, at least 99% chance: if one – at the last moment – out of some silly soft-heartedness, actually pulls the blow, though there is the off chance the critter will simply drop dead of fright, there is an equal chance the critter will simply appear to drop dead, only to awake and scamper off the instant you leave to search for a Hefty construction bag. Don’t be soft-hearted, don’t pull the blow — complete that massage!

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