The first rule of Zombieland

These days I refrain from shooting actual people. 1 However I’ve no issue with nailing the undead.

Perhaps you’ve seen paper targets? That surprisingly flimsy paper, usually 16″ by 10″, and decorated with any variety of images – from the ubiquitous bulls-eye to well…zombies.

I like the zombies.

It makes sense then, given my predilections, that I would follow a web site that published this:

We are often asked “What brand and caliber of ammunition is most effective?

The short answer is: Whatever ammo you can hit your target with.

The longer answer:

A single hit with a .22 lr is more effective than a 100 misses with a .45 ACP. Without proper training and skills to deal with the “Zombie Apocalypse” which round (or firearm) you select won’t matter unless you actually hit the intended target. Also errant rounds are a liability. They can cause great collateral damage at your expense. This reinforces the need for you to hit the intended target and nothing else. In fact the ammunition you choose is only part of the equation.

Ha ha, wink wink, nudge nudge, knowwhatimean? A bit of harmless fun.

Except the “Haitian American Vodoo Association,” was not amused:

HAVA has become aware that you have engaged in spreading false, destructive, and defamatory rumors about Zombies. Your defamatory statements involved the article on the website ( dated 11/11/11 called “Zombie Apocalypse”. The article portrayed Undead Haitian Americans (A.K.A Zombies) as dangerous flesh eating monsters that pray on humans and other living creatures during the night. This image of a Zombie is completely inaccurate.

Modern Zombies are honest hard working undead people. They are just like the rest of Americans, but do not have any pulse nor brain activity. They are productive members of society and have been very successful in the local, state, and federal government. They have become model bureaucrats, and have continually worked toward building a positive reputation.

Fuckin’ lawyers ruin everything. I think I’m going to change out my target paper, maybe use some images from the Shook, Hardy and Bacon Facebook page.

There’d be no difference, amiright?

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Show 1 footnote

  1. Though Thor knows I’m not above it; nothing like a little sucking chest wound to make your point, I always say.

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