So fat that after sex he smokes a ham…

An Easy 300
It takes a wall THIS big to hold up NJ Gov. Christie.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie mentioned last week he was leaving the door open on accepting a VP nod from Mitt Romney.

And…yes, cue the obvious garage door opener jokes.

While finding hard data on Christie’s weight is problematic, there is no problem reaching agreement on the larger point: he’s fat. Blimp fat, orca fat, Cheeseburger Today Wimpy fat. The most common Internetz SWAG as to an actual number starts at 300 lbs.

Christie’s PR flaks office is wont to temper such speculation, noting that the Gov is a good 5′ 11″ tall and an ex (high school) athlete. 1 And, as you can see from this picture, he’s still capable of ripping off a couple of dozen push-ups. 2 So there’s that.

All of which caused us to wonder: who was America’s largest sitting Vice President?

Fatty President is well known: Taft, at 6 foot with a BMI of a bazillion, was easily America’s largest butterball. But heavy VP info is hard to come by; for some reason the stat is not easily accessible, like say… which VP had a hard time with spelling, or which VP was forced to resign, or even which VP inhaled helium in the White House…all of which are readily revealed by a simple invoking of The Google.

But not weight. Hell, there isn’t even enough data to draw a consensus. So I went to the Pros and they’ve promised to have the definitive answer by noon-ish tomorrow. If you’ve a guess, leave it in the Comments and maybe we’ll get Kansas City’s Richest Russian to donate one of his seemingly endless magazine subscriptions as an annoyance a prize.

As for Christie’s true weight? Let’s just say he’s too big to fall fail.

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Show 2 footnotes

  1. One presupposes this means Christie is a graceful fat man – light on his feet, and probably good with a joke. Which does not keep me, every time I see the guy, from picturing him in Varys eunuch’s robes from Game of Thrones; the two could be e-vil brothers. Hey – did the new season finally get underway? I’m going to have to use Torrent find an alternative means of viewing the show since I dropped HBO like a polonium filled potato
  2. Not that we’re aware of a minimum push-up requirement for the Vice President.

13 Replies to “So fat that after sex he smokes a ham…”

  1. subscriptions ran out years ago. as far as Christie’s size, it’s about average anymore, doesn’t shock anyone. Your favorite Cheney wasn’t huge and still had a heart attack twice a week.

  2. I was thinking along the same lines as Comrade Meesha. It seems like Crisco Christie is the perfect representative of the majority of (morbidly obese) Americans, not to mention a great metaphor for our bloated federal government (no offense).

    1. again, it may be a visual trick you see so many obese people you lose the ability to tell they’re obese, but that seems extreme to me…

      also – i see neither of you had any luck tracking down our fattest vp

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