Schrödinger’s Socks

In much the same way that light is both a particle and a wave, Mitt Romney is both a moderate and a conservative, depending on the situation. It is not that he is one or the other; it is not that he is one and then the other. He is both at the same time.

Frustrating as it may be, the rules of quantum campaigning dictate that no human being can ever simultaneously know both what Mitt Romney’s current position is and where that position will be at some future date. This is known as the “principle uncertainty principle.”

All of which is to suggest, again, that Socks will say/do/pretend anything in order to be elected.  1

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  1. Complicating Socks’ internal reality is, of course, Von Neumann’s catastrophe; while he may well have once had a clear understanding of his initial positions, the fact is that his conscious mind -in its role as version control – is nothing but another quantum system containing indeterminacy and, as such, is subject to a degree of uncertainty in reporting the imprecision of the original indeterminacy. A second monitor –say Ann Romney — would be required to measure the indeterminacy of Socks’ reality, but would of necessity contain its own indeterminacy, which would require a third monitor –say The Press — which would contain its own indeterminacy and so on; the recursion would be infinite. It would be far easier for any observer were we to duplicate the original premise in the ‘real’ world, e.g. put Socks in a covered box and open the lid now and again to determine if he were still with us. Less irritating, too.

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