EXCLUSIVE: ANONYMOUS Hacks Kansas City Mayor\’s Private Network; Calls in Drone Strikes on KCPS Building

Kansas City – Early today a single pre-dawn U.S. predator drone attack demolished the KCPS (Kansas City Public Schools) Administration building at 12th and McGee in downtown Kansas City, Missouri. The air strike killed Marilyn Simmons’ ghost, maimed the district’s 30 year tradition of poorly educating Kansas City’s children and seriously injured two street people sleeping in the building’s vestibule; both itinerants were former Kansas City scholars.

“The city’s network stack was taken over by a group claiming to be ANONYMOUS,” said a city official requesting anonymity. “They then used our own networks to impersonate (KC Mayor) James to call FEMA and request a drone. Then they just completely leveled the building at 12th and McGee.

“No, we don’t know why (they did it),” the source said before donning a pair of dark glasses and fleeing down the nearest stairwell.

The strike came just days after an embarassing city-wide vote to replace KCPS school board members drew less than 5000 voters from a metropolitan area over one million people strong.

The strikes also comes a couple of weeks after the Missouri House unanimously approved legislation giving the state authority to immediately replace the school board of the unaccredited Kansas City district with a new governing structure.The bill now goes to the Senate, where a similar effort recently passed the Education Committee.

Current Missouri statutes allow a school district two years to regain accreditation or face the potential of a state takeover. Last September the Missouri Board of Education revoked the accreditation of the Kansas City school district because it failed to reach state performance standards.

This is the second time in a decade the KCPS has lost accreditation.

Anonymous sources in the mayor’s office speculated there were multiple reasons for the drone strike.

“Sure,” said yet another city official who requested anonymity simply out of spite. “There was the whole ‘Destroy It And Where Will They Go’ (current board) aspect to it. But you also have to understand that space is at a premium downtown — with the school district building nothing but rubble, and the rest of that square block taken up by parking lots…well, there’s a brand new building right there, shovel-ready as it were.”

“Some think,” the source added unnecessarily snarkily, “that J. E. Dunn was behind it.”

“Oh, sure, ANONYMOUS probably did the deed,” he continued, “but it’s no secret that J.E. Dunn had the new federal building in the bag, that they had worked out a deal with the city to build a huge complex to replace the current downtown Federal building AND house all those people leaving the Bannister Complex in south Kansas City. But when the Feds pulled the plug as it being too expensive, well, who’s to say Dunn didn’t commission ANONYMOUS to level the place? Hell, they can probably pick up the property for reclamation costs now, saving them millions.”

Long time city watchers pooh pooh’d that notion.

“Shee-it, man,” quipped long-time foodcart vendor turned SOJOCO Mexican retstaurant owner, Alex ‘Rata’ Reyes. “Don’t believe all that crap. It wuz prolly jes sum of them KC ‘skollars’ who dun gratuated and wanted to pay the favs fo-wad, know what I mean? They saw same ol jizz bags runnin for the (school) board again, hell, sum jes up and left theys seats, have to write-in a name an shit, an decided they’d be the deciders, ya dig? Dey decided thas be enough of dat shit. Know what I’m sayin?”

A press release posted on the hactivist group ANONOYMOUS‘s news web site denied involvement with the “obviously government sanctioned, commercial attempt to bypass the ugly public relations involved with invoking emminent domain to simulatenously recover a valuable asset while ridding themselves of a national embarassment. Not that we haven’t thought of it? But we’re too busy hacking lolcatz sites to be bothered.”

Perhaps the last and sagest word comes from an anonymous sot found staggering at the edges of the rubble, calmly sucking down MD 20-20 straight from a bottle. After a languid belch and blowing snot from his nose onto a young KSHB reporter’s blue pumps, he slurred the following:

“Whoever the fuck it was did a good thing; it looks like the state’s all set to pussy out, go with this Green guy? Like’s he’s got a new plan that ain’t been tried 2 or 3 times in the last 30 years? Shit, I’m tellin’ you, it was probably concerned parents, no shit. Don’t get me started on the state, them sunabitches jse’ draggin’ their feet down in Jeff City, lookin for any excuse to walk away from this mess, put sum shiny spin on it, everything’s gonna be everything, ya know? Fuckin’ cowards, every last ona them. Should let that prosecutor handle this whole thing? Who? Why that Mean Jean broad, that’s who! Man, she ain’t hardly my type, no offense, I mean I ain’t hardly my type, wait, I mean I ain’t hardly her type, right, so I ain’t ever gonna find out for sure, but I’m willin to bet ya she’s gotta a bigger setta balls on her than any other politician in town, jumpin’ that fuckin bishop that way. Hope she nails his ass to a cross…what? Oh, hell, she could clean up the school district ina year, you give her the power. But nooooooooo, no one wants a broad with balls in power, right? Until they need one…”

All too true.


Though at press time Kansas City’s Mayor James still had no comment, his office had setup a makeshift tent borrowed from Ringling Brothers to accommodate the national reporter pool flying into cover the story. An information line to handle all enquiries was established as well, with live operators standing by. That number is – (212) 664-7665.

ANONYMOUS Hacks Kansas City Mayor's Private Network

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