Your 2012 Tartan High Prom Queen!

It’s the high school rite of passage that many people cherish forever: prom night.

One senior from Tartan High in Oakdale says he asked more than two dozen girls to go with him.

But they all turned him down.

So, 18-year-old Mike Stone took to Twitter and started asking celebrities and some other sort-of famous people for a date, including Kim Kardashian and Snooki from “Jersey Shore.” He sent more than 600 tweets.

In the end, he got a yes–from an adult film “star”–a young lady named Megan Piper (at least that’s her stage name)– who said she’d love to accompany him, as long as he paid her way from Los Angeles.

Tartan High school administrators, however, have essentially told Stone it’s not gonna happen.

Perhaps Stone’s younger sister Brittany, a junior at Tartan High, sums the situation up most accurately. “Some people can say it’s creepy and some can say to him ‘you’re my hero’,” she said, “but I think for him he just wanted to end high school with a bang. And he did.”

Well…almost. 1 2 3

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Show 3 footnotes

  1. It’s worth noting that Stone’s mother admitted in one interview that her son had “special needs.” Indeed.
  2. Also? If Jesse was still Governor, you could be damned sure that boy would be allowed to attend his prom with that cute porn star!
  3. Also also? Boy, he is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo lucky Snookie diss’d him.

14 Replies to “Your 2012 Tartan High Prom Queen!”

  1. this is not America I want to live in. I wonder if parents who are so concerned know what their kids are actually doing/watching. two of my kid’s friends from middle school are pregnant and posting happy updates and photos on facebook. I am glad their parents saved them from all the porn.

  2. “……you could be damned sure that boy would be allowed to attend his prom with that cute porn star!……”

    Cute?

    Your taste is pedestrian Nick. And oh so caucasoid.
    Hardly the trifecta of apertures that could keep you interested for more than a fortnight surely?
    Then again she might be able to parse a sentence AND purse her lips simultaneously.

    1. “you could be damned sure that boy would be allowed to attend his prom with that cute porn star!”

      inked in my usual serious manner

      that said, i €™m sure she knows enough to keep her tongue out

      1. “……inked in my usual serious manner…..”

        Likewise, I’m sure.
        Though in my case it was ‘pixellated’ in my usual serious manner – have you not noticed the price of ink of late?
        Admit it though, you do fancy Ms. Piper, don’t you? I can sense those spritzing gonads of yours all the way up here in frozen Soviet Canuckistan.

  3. €œ…I think for him he just wanted to end high school with a bang. And he did.”

    Well, almost… €

    I have puzzled over this one for days. I know it is supposed to be funny, but I could not achieve sufficient cognitive dissonance to ascertain why. Now I think I know: We are required to read a double entendre on the word €˜bang €™. First, as an idiom for a €˜spectacular finish €™. And second, as a dysphemism for a penetrative gametic credit default swap.

    Droll Mr. Nick, droll indeed.

    1. Nearly apt:

      First; as an idiom for a ‘spectacular finish’. And second; as a(n) unintended dysphemism for a…

      Also… €™days €™?

      1. Days?
        Well? It sure felt like it. I’s an inquisitive cunt and it bothers me when I don’t ‘clue in’ – and when I use verb phrases that end in words that are otherwise prepositions.

        “unintended”?
        If it was unintended, then how is your “Well…almost” quip funny now?

        “Curiouser and curiouser!” Cried Alice.

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