On the one hand…

A Perfect Fit

Last month we posted an item concerning the jackasses in the Virginia legislature who believe it their solemn duty to ram probes up the vaginae of women seeking an abortion in the Commonwealth.

For their own good, of course.

We also noted that one of Virginia’s legislators decided that if it was good enough for the goose, the gander should certainly also bend over and spread ’em; she wanted to attach a rider to the vaginal probe bill mandating a rectal exam for every male in VA before a ‘script for boner pills could be issued.

As one might have foreseen, the anal probe amendment was cock-blocked.

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And, as these things tend to go, last week the the Virginia state legislature passed the bill, despite the fact 1 the forced vaginal penetration of the ‘patient’, for no valid medical reason, meets to a ‘T’ the federal definition of rape.

Even so, Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell, a Republican 2 and probable “moral” individual, is sure to sign the bill, having been widely quoted as saying it is ” simple common sense.” 3

(THURSDAY MORNING UPDATE: the Richmond Times-Dispatch is reporting this morning that Vogel is working to strike her own bill. This after consultation with the Gov. [who reveresed himself in a POTUS moment]: what – they all suddenly developed the ability to feel shame? No, far more prosaic than that:

(“This is a prime example why legislators should not walk into the doctor’s office and dictate what should happen,” she said.

(The bill has drawn national attention. About 1,000 people rallied at the Capitol on Monday to oppose abortion-related measures, which have been the focus of multiple national news reports and a “Saturday Night Live” skit and a segment on “The Daily Show” with Jon Stewart…”

(Which just goes to show that if you throw enough light on the cockroaches they will scurry for cover.)

If one tended toward paranoia one might suspect the hue and cry over abortion and/or women’s right to control their own bodies was naught but an engaging song and dance, a Nazi-themed revue playing out on the national stage, while behind the scenery the prop-masters quietly worked long and hard at dismantling Griswold v. Connecticut for the finale.

I mean, if one were the paranoid type.

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Unfortunately it’s not as though the cretins wandering the halls of Congress are any better.

Last week also saw a ‘hearing’ of the House Committee on Oversight & Government Reform on the contraceptive coverage rule within the Health care Reform act. 4 That went so well that only two Congresswomen walked out in protest — Carolyn Maloney (D-N.Y.) and Eleanor Holmes Norton (D-D.C.).

And why did they sniff their way out of chambers? Were their wombs wandering around in the bodies, causing needless (but understandable) hysteria? Nope – these broads were upset merely because there were no women on the panel testifying before the Committee.

Abortion/contraception experts: Rev. William Lori, Roman Catholic bishop of Bridgeport, Conn.; Rev. Matthew Harrison, the president of the Lutheran Church in Missouri; Ben Mitchell, a professor of moral philosophy at Union University; Rabbi Meir Solveichik, from Yeshiva University; and Craig Mitchell, a professor of ethics at the Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.

But wait! it was a trick; this hearing had nothing to do with a woman’s right to control her own biological destiny. This hearing had to do with religious freedom, which was somehow at mortal stake, according to Chairman Darrell Issa (R-Calif.), every time a person of conscious was forced to do their job; one expected to hear momentarily from a witness how filling out a ‘script for The Pill over and over and over again was the main precursor for her PTS (and carpal tunnel syndrome). 5

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I have a question.

Does the GOP expect to garner any female votes this fall? I mean, of course, besides from their Stepford Women and those poor serially ‘married’ creatures kept in the basements and barns of too numerous Utah abodes.

Because from the cheap seats it appears the GOP is deliberately alienating half the population. Take Rick Santorum 6; his random utterings on the e-vils of contraception are but panderings to that most mythic of fables  – the American Psycho Middle Class. Wasted breath – there is no more middle class. More importantly, what’s left of the middle class knocks The Pill back like M & Ms.

And Santorum’s pet billionaire? Clench two aspirin between the knees and call me (daddy) in the morning? Holy fuck – could these bastards be any more patronizingly patriarchal?

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Those individuals who play at ‘top’ and ‘bottom’? Who indulge in bondage (restraints et alis) while screaming “whip me! beat me! make me write bad checks…”? 7 The ones who act out the pony scenes and far far more from Anne Rice’s re-imagined Sleeping Beauty series?

Good clean fun.


The guy who insists, despite their desires or preferences, on binding women, whipping and chaining them, so he can ignore them, screw them, piss on them…? Whatever else is going on with the guy, the main factor is fear. He’s afraid of women. 8

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Show 8 footnotes

  1. Or perhaps exactly because of the fact…
  2. Duh.
  3. This despite the legislation also being, prima facie, unconstitutional. But we suppose that’s the end game, right? To persist in crafting and re-crafting legislation until the Supremos eventually say, “You’re right, b’gawd! No woman should ever be allowed control of her own body! What the fuck, corpus juris aside, were our Learned Predecessors thinking?
  4. Quick! Tell me, without resorting to the Google, why this is within the purview the House Committee on Oversight & Government Reform…wrong! Nope, that’s wrong, too. The correct answer is…it doesn’t!
  5. Though strangely you never hear the same complaint about boner pill ‘scripts, do you?
  6. Please…
  7. Or…not at all, dependant on whether they’re’ wearing a ball-gag.
  8. And so many of these fucks tend to be deeply religious or have overt conservative political leanings/ties.

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