Bring Out Your Dead!

Let us take a priori that our Sun, perhaps on a day when it has consumed not one not two but THREE bowls of Wheaties, will emit such a massive E3 pulse that the impact is immediately disastrous.

If you are unclear as to what this means to you, the casual reader, well, let’s start with the most important effects: you would not be able to reach this site.

Indeed, your home PC/Apple by-products/*NIX internetz portal would fail to work 1 , as would everything else plugged into an electrical socket in your house. And that’s because every power transformer in your neighborhood…wait…state, sorry…country would have fried itself into ash.

No one would be coming to fix the transformers because, at least initially, no one would know the scope of the coming nightmare; neither Ma Bell’s land lines or the ubiquitous cell towers run on unicorn farts, and computers (because that’s all those infamous switches are) route both systems. Think tin cans and waxed string, folks. Maybe shortwave 2; time to make friends with a HAM operator.

Besides, let someone else report the outage, right now you need to figure out where to get large enough chunks of ice fast enough to save your refrigerated wares, right? And what to put those foodstuffs in, ‘fridges being not water tight.

Back up gennies? Problematic at best, and certainly not workable long term: who hauls the energy from where and in what? Gas pumps require electricity. And if that gets figured out, who sends what load where and when and why; who do they liaise with? Which probably means no food deliveries, n’est-ce pas? Which means food riots; given society’s current manners, probably within a week, almost certainly within a month.

Fuck – water! Every water treatment plant goes offline and potable water –where it still runs- begins to…ah…become less palatable. Sewage and the water supply merge and we are reintroduced to the centuries old scourges; can you say cholera, kids. Sure you can.

Okay, go to the store and buy…wait, I won’t be able to use a debit card and I’ve no cash. Crap, okay – bank first.

Except the banks’ computer systems are down as well and there’s certainly no paper account or ledger system. No money for you.

But you, and everyone else, will still need to find and acquire certain resources, right?

And so – looting and worse. Probably a good idea to stock up on bullets (and/or guns, were you that type of liberal in your prior life; hmmm – what to barter?). Speaking of power struggles…didn’t that pulse only affect half the world? Who has still got power and therefor launch capability? Let’s see; Russia, China…and Pakistan. Fuck. Forget bullets, the real question is how to get to Australia? Do we steal borrow Uncle James’ boat and port it downtown, drive over to Columbus or just head like a bat out of hell for Houston and beg a berth on the first thing headed toward New Zealand? Fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!

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This is the sort of idle scenario my mind will obsess muse over during random down cycles in a day. 3

You know what scenarios my mind doesn’t mull over?

My mind could give two craps less about fetishists involved in their imaginary fetishist behavior (always performed behind closed doors with other willing fetishists) that has absolutely no real world outcome, much less harm, on any living or dead creature, plant or geologic structure in the known universe. Indeed, said fetishistic behavior has no measurable impact on the fetishists themselves other than to afford them temporary peace of mind. 4

There’s zero reason to care.

Besides, I’m busy looking for a new home.

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Show 4 footnotes

  1. From the available material it would seem plausible that this ginormous E3 would also produce an E1, making the computer question moot.
  2. Assuming the ionosphere as we know and love it hasn’t been nutted.
  3. For those of you with a pathological need for ‘closure’, there is no happy outcome to the above mental puzzle, only very few variations on a theme wherein some of the family survives -mostly emotionally and physically intact- at or near Australia. All other outcomes involve…less than optimal results.
  4. Or so they say; as the ritual is compulsory their actual satisfaction at the event is problematic, and certainly incidental to their need to act out. True happiness for such individuals would probably only ever be realized chemically.

4 Replies to “Bring Out Your Dead!”

    1. hadn’t thought of you as a kool-aid drinker; suppose one never knows…

      in the above event the only thing obama (romeny, santorum, or even paul) could possibly do is stockpile and redistribute all available kool-aid

      which is why i normally ponder The Stand scenario; many many more happy outcomes (assuming, as all americans do, that i’m not food for the crows but rather one of the 1 in 100,000 that survive)

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