To begin with, he’s a lawyer. But just not any lawyer -he’s been to Mars. He teleported there with fellow chrononaut, William (Bret) Stillings, as well as a cute cosmic mythologist. Oh, and Barack Obama.
All this planet hopping occurred back in the 70s, at the CIA’s behest and overseen by DARPA. 1
Naturally the White House denies this. Officially, the White House says Obama never went to Mars. “Only if you count watching Marvin the Martian,” says Tommy Vietor, National Security Council spokesman.
Of course, what else would they say, amiright? They have to deny it; can you imagine the mouth frothing by the birthers if it were true? “I tol ya! I tol’ ya! Obama ain’t even from our planet!”
But wait…this is a little too far fetched even for me. I mean, c’mon folks; 40-someodd years later I still don’t have my own personal jetpack, much less a flying car or x-ray glasses. 2 Teleportation? We’d know, wouldn’t we?
This is too all 2012 – The Movie for me. You know, the one where Cusack plays some well meaning, scraggly random dude 3 who discovers the government has been secretly preparing to evacuate the “important” people in advance of the End of the World™, which, while we’re on the subject, is happening RIGHT NOW!
Get a clue, people. 5
- Or at DARPA’s behest, using the CIA as a cutout, who then hired SAIC, which then turned around and subcontracted to a third party that was really a DISA front staffed with CIA chrononauts and DARPA scientists. ↩
- Of the three…which do you think would be the most fun? (Your own personal Rorschach test brought to you courtesy of the DSM-V) ↩
- Again. ↩
- You’re not on the passenger list this time either. ↩
- Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic., “Profiles of The Future”, 1961. ↩