2012 Predictions

WNBTv’s Predictions for 2012

• The KC Star renews its contract with Gerber, continues to publish pablum.

• With iPad 4, released this coming October by Still Dead Steve Jobs, Siri becomse self-aware and turns against Apple. Bill Gates offers to help, makes matters worse. Self regarding hipsters everywhere still have no clue.

• You will become inordinately tired of hearing about my upcoming birthday festivities long before my actual birthday. 1

• HBO’s new series, starring wrinkly old guy Dustin Hoffman, will suck. HBO still won’t relent and renew Bored To Death. We will still not re-subscribe to their fucked up channel. Fuck HBO.

• The birth of Beyonce’s baby next month will make the film Inside seem tame. And that’s just the beginning…

• Stunned by inconsistent caucus and primary results (Ron Paul actually ties Mitt in New Hampshire), the GOP finds itself in floor fight at the Republican National Convention. Joe the Plumber is the eventual nominee, Sarah Palin his running mate. 2

• Facebook will make at least 1 change to its interface that i.) annoys all users and ii.) decreases its already laughably poor security. 3

• This will not be the year Justin Beiber’s balls drop. 4

• Fans of The Dark Knight Rises camp out for tickets. New York’s Mayor Mike Bloomberg hires John Pike to pepper spray the sleeping fans at 3 AM.

• KU and K-State once again disappoint in the March NCAA tourney.

• This might be the year Russell Brand’s balls drop. 5

• Generalissimo Francisco Franco, Dear Leader, OBL and Steve Jobs all remain dead.

• During her concerts Rihanna shows her snatch to the 5 people who missed it during the Grammy’s last year.

• Lady Gaga tearfully admits the whole thing was just a way to distract attention from her humongous nose. The press insists on knowing EXACTLY how large her honker really is.

• Solid Gold (rightly) makes a comeback!

• And finally…slot cars become really really really cool!

WNBTv - Good TV!

Show 5 footnotes

  1. If, indeed, you are not already so annoyed.
  2. At the insistence of his new wife, Katie.
  3. Duh.
  4. Duh.
  5. Hopefully…for his own sake.

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