Finger-Roasted Coffee

One of the many many many benefits 1 of living in Brookside is the fact that The Roasterie has a lil’ cafe here.

The location is handy, easy to get in and out of, and not overly infested with the skinny jeans crowd. In fact, when I was in a just few minutes ago, the place  was more  overrun with out-of-work, middle-aged men intent on projecting an air of…je ne c’est quoi…anticipation…than anything else.  2

Which is all by the way.

What I REALLY want to mention is I hate their new cups.

Oh, I’m sure some genius 3 thought the new design a brilliant stroke of cost-saving good luck. However, it doesn’t friggin’ work.

To-go coffee containers, right? You’ve seen them: fairly thin cardboard (reinforced with recycled materials), custom tight lip-fitting lids with the teeny tiny little holes to sip from, that beautiful areoplane on the side, right?

And then because The Roasterie, bless them, serves their coffee/latte/americano/etc HOT, they once had thicker cardboard bands to slip up around the cup so as  to  avoid 3rd degree burns.These slip ups were right by the delivery ‘station’, where the baristas set your completed order and yell out “Johnny Depp? Quad Venti Skinny with Whip Iced Caramel Macchiato for Johhny Depp?”

You with me? Okay, good. Well, not good, really. Because there are no more slip ups.

The Roasterie genius/geniuses decided to permanently attach  a somewhat  thicker slip up cardboard piece (used to keep your hands from bursting into flames) onto the cup itself and, while they were at it, print some verbiage from Danny O’Neil, and add their web site URL  to compliment that really groovy plane.

Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooal!!!!!, right?

Uh…no.

The genius/geniuses made 2 critical errors.

First off, they made the thicker slip up cardboard piece (used to handle red, green AND yellow Kryptonite) thinner. That’s right, I said thinner. So now when they hand you Depp’s piping hot Quad Venti Skinny with Whip Iced Caramel Macchiato your House coffee, your hands actually burst into flames!

Second, the thicker slip up cardboard piece (used by young girlfriends everywhere to handle…but, no.) replacement is now slippery. That’s what I said, it’s as smooth as a nun’s stomache. 4 I can just see the next time I bring the Astas in for hot cocoa and they try to hold onto the new cups – disaster in the making.

Okay, let’s review:

New permanently adhered, thin and slippery cardboard = FAIL.

Roasterie genius/geniuses – fix this, please.

No, I’m not going to boycott your cafe. Nor am I suddenly going to sign-up for a Twitter or Facebook account and start some ill-advised campaign 5

But I shall continue to be very put out with you until you make some sort of change. Are we clear?

Good. Thank you.

WNBTv - Good TV!

Show 5 footnotes

  1. Of which one is the distinct lack of a presence of U.S. Marines. Don’t you imagine right about now Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard is wondering why he never built a spider hole?
  2. As in “That’s right, we’re not just dicking around on the internetz; Dell/Sun/QT is gonna respond to our vitas any sec now.”
  3. Or geniuses, as every single decision these days needs must be made by a team of ITIL certified dweebs.
  4. Don’t ask.
  5. Unless it will allow me to blackmail you out of millions of dollars. Do you have millions of dollars you will give me?

4 Replies to “Finger-Roasted Coffee”

  1. I can’t believe I didn’t know about this before. I’m outraged! OUTRAGED!

    I think it’s time for a protest. Let’s start an Occupy The Roasterie movement!

    #OTR. We will not live with scalded fingers! We are the 99%!

  2. The location is handy, easy to get in and out of, and not overly infested with the skinny jeans crowd.

    You must have just missed them. It seems every uniformed school girl in the area shows up there in the afternoons.

    Not that I noticed.

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