Spot the Onion Article

This should be easy; just pick out the bogus news item…

(WDC) – The Federal Aviation Administration partially shut down at midnight July 22nd, in a move to appease Tea Party extremists, after GOP senators refused to drop an anti-union provision amending the National Mediation Board’s union voting rules. Speaking on the Senate floor, Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) said of “colleague” Sen. Orinn Hatch (R-UT), “What a fucking ultramaroon.” Hatch is only presenting “one side of a story”:

The move is a risky bet that will jeopardize $2.5 billion in construction projects, 87,000 American construction jobs, furlough 3,600 FAA aviation engineers, safety analysts, and other career professionals in 35 states, and cost $200 million per week in lost revenue.

“By senselessly shutting down the FAA tonight at midnight, the House Republican leadership is willing to lay off tens of thousands of middle class American construction workers and jeopardize billions of dollars in airport construction simply to score a few political points for Tea Party extremists,” said U.S. Representative Nick J. Rahall (D-WV), top Democrat on the House Transportation and Infrastructure Committee.”

For the moment air traffic controllers remain on the job and airline operations will continue semi-normally. Until they don’t.

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Or….

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(WDC) – Members of the U.S. Congress reported last Wednesday, July 20th, they were continuing to carefully debate the issue of whether or not they should allow the country to descend into a roiling economic meltdown of historically dire proportions.

It is a question that, I think, is worthy of serious consideration: Should we take steps to avoid a crippling, decades-long depression that would lead to disastrous consequences on a worldwide scale? Or should we not do that?” asked House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA), adding that arguments could be made for both sides, and that the debate over ensuring America’s financial solvency versus allowing the nation to default on its debt—which would torpedo stock markets, cause mortgage and interests rates to skyrocket, and decimate the value of the U.S. dollar—is “certainly a conversation worth having.”

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Or….

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(New Jersey) – In an email obtained by Mother Jones magazine, a New Hampshire Republican brags about learning how to fire a .50 caliber machine gun, then added that labor unions — which traditionally support Democrats — “better not F#%k with me again!!!”

That email was allegedly written by New Hampshire idiot Representative Lynne Ferrari Blankenbeker, who reportedly ignored requests for comment from reporter Andy Kroll.

Blankenbeker, a military veteran, reportedly wrote the email after a training session with the army at Fort Dix. The full quote reads: “Today I got to be the gunner which was fun. The .50 cal is quite a gun! I was never ascared of the unions but they better not F#%k with me again!!! Just saying.”

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