Our burg’s main imaginary news organ, The Kansas City Star, yesterday inked an editorial lauding an ex-pat who had enough ‘sex appeal’ to cause pre-teen girls across America to rack up AT&T Mobile texting costs in such numbers that he “won” a “talent contest” on a ‘reality’ program the other evening.
WNBTv applauds the young man’s good fortune, even while we are dismayed at the event itself.
Nor have we watched any of the island shows: not the one where they can’t get off the island (‘tards all), not the one where they get voted off the island (fuckin’ Republicans), not even the one where Ginger and Mary Ann compete for our tissues (well, maybe we have peeked at that one.)
We do not watch nannies run amok, ‘designers’ rebooting ‘jeans’; hormonal teenagers hissing at each other in a “communal setting”(duh!); men and women ‘dating’ each other for the camera, or chefs using iron as though we were all anemic. Speaking of which, we do not view anemic/anorexic women ‘competing’ to become ‘models’. We do not watch people building other people houses (booooring!). We do not watch people swap spouses. 1
We do not like these ‘shows’. We do not like them. We do not like them here or there. We do not like them anywhere. Not in a box. Not with a fox. We do not like ‘reality’ shows.
We have no objection to relaxing, unwinding or otherwise loafing at the end of the day; hell, we’ve been known to enjoy a spliff or two in the evenings.
Nor do we believe that down-time should always be spent catching up on world events and arranging to do your share to ease the suffering that the great majority of mankind endures on a daily basis; one needs a break from that upon occasion. Nor do we object to television, per se, more than any other tool at our disposal – it is, as always, how one uses the tool that is telling.
Nor do we believe that one ought to pass their spare time in strenuous exercise in order to ultimately pass from a lingering affliction of Alzheimer’s instead of sudden acute myocardial infarction – how one chooses to take a dirt nap is their business. 2
We do not like ‘reality’ shows (and their semi-reality kissin’ cousins, e.g. don’t dress like a cunt and ’cause i said so simply because they are stupid 3, or because they exacerbate the continued degradation of what barely passes for culture in this
great land, or because they’re stupid. 4
Nor do we disdain ‘reality’ shows simply because every fat-head in the office feels the need to go on and on and on and on and on and on the next day all about the last episode of whatfuckingever and how brilliant, meaningful, wonderful, hot, anorexic, neurotic these ‘real’ people
they’re never going to meet but somehow fucking identify with are. 5
We do not like ‘reality’ shows because somehow they have transformed minimally talented, spotlight-seeking, average joes and janes into America’s next cultural heroes, icons little boys and girls will grow up striving to emulate because mom and dad showed them how important they are by raptly watching these shows in a near-religious trance.
These ‘idols’ have achieved nigh near saint status, so much so should one try to introduce a little reason into this obsession, one is likely to be pounced on, Tigger-like, by serious minded defenders of the realm.
Thus is the sad state of our current cultural conversation today.
At WNBTv we feel that in order to avoid a future that makes Idiocracy look like a Shakespearian play, all writers, producers and directors of all ‘reality’ shows (including people who are even thinking of creating them) should be rounded up and sent to GTMO, where they can be not humiliated, tortured and Greek-punished until such time as the American-Iraqi games come to a conclusion, or for 10 years, whichever occurs first.
As a further somewhat radical idea WNBTv urges citizens everywhere to ocasionally turn the television off in order to have an actual conversation with another human. Yes, this might be scary, but start small; perhaps leave the TV set off for just a half hour to begin with. Then call a friend, or walk next door and talk with a neighbor. At first, it would be okay to talk about a TV show, but after a while branch out and have an actual conversation about an actual idea one of you had.
You can do it, America!