We noted last week†the Clod of Cardinals will not wait until mid-March†to select a new Pope, as that would give them merely a scant week before†The Biggest Show On Earth gets underway: Pierced Palm Sunday, My Go(o)d That Hurts†Friday!, and culminating†in the movable feast known as Easter.
As we mentioned at the time, the Vatican (in an attempt at relevancy) is seeking your input.
Practising Catholics, who have taken Confession within the last 48 hours, may suggest a successor at: 1-347-269-0682. This is strictly a voice-mail number.
Those devouts who wish to make their selection known in person may dial: 1-415-287-3427. Supposedly a Cardinal will take your call. 1
- But, seriously? You’ll be lucky if it’s abused altar boy. ↩