Tony Soprano

Tony Soprano: What I’ve Been Up to Since the Show

As many of yous recently heard, I’m still alive, despite those shady-lookin’ guys who were coming into the diner the last time you saw me, in 2007. That year changed a lot of things for my family and me—and, with all the recent discussion about what happened to us, I thought it was time to set the record straight.

First of all, I hate that Journey song, “Don’t Stop Believin’,” from the end of the show, and, after the power was restored following that massive tristate-area blackout, my daughter, Meadow, went over to the jukebox and changed it to “Umbrella,” by Rihanna, which was a big hit at the time.

Many of you may remember that my wife, Carmela, and I had been fighting for years, and that I was starting to feel real claustrophobic in our Jersey suburb. Carmela had gotten accustomed to that life style, but I decided that it was time to make a clean break, and headed to the Oregon shore, where I bought a little house and started going for long daily walks while listening to “This American Life” on my Android. Dr. Melfi, my shrink, came with me for a little while—you recall the palpable attraction between us—but I could tell that she missed the East Coast. Eventually, I said, “Listen, Jen, I really appreciate this, but I can tell that you’re miserable out here. Why don’t we remember the good times, like when you didn’t tell me about what that guy did in that parking lot, and I didn’t kill him by bludgeoning him for thirty-five minutes with the handle of an oven from a pizza shop?”

I was a little lonely after that, but not too bad…

Also…the original in-depth VOX piece is worth a read.

However the most amusing upshot of the article was VOX’s subsequent piqué une crise following SavedYouAClick’s Twitter spoiler; VOX and others immediately went existential, questioning SavedYouAClick’s right to live.

As bubbles in the bong water go, fairly funny. 1

Tony Soprano

Show 1 footnote

  1. Especially after Chase read the original VOX item and said “Uh, wait a minute: you keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

Welfare Queens With Their Cadillacs

…Joe Scarborough, the mysteriously well-compensated host of a micro-rated morning talk show asylum for disgraced hacks and television historians, has brought out a new book-like product about which we likely will be hearing far too much on our liberal MSNBC teevee network. Anyway, it seems that Scarborough has taken it upon himself to rescue his beloved Republican party and to return it to the values of Ronald Reagan, who gutted civil rights laws, started his campaign talking about “states rights” not far from the improvised graves of murdered civil-rights workers, made up stories about black bucks buying steaks and welfare queens with their Cadillacs, sold missiles to the people who bankrolled the killing of hundreds of our Marines, and then used the cash to bankroll his own terrorists in this hemisphere. Ah, the good old days. Joe is simply agog at what a monkeyhouse his Republican party has become, and he can’t stands no more…

Welfare Queens With Their Cadillacs