Fan Mail From Some Flounder

May 2

Hey dickhead,

WHy don’t you write something relevant? Like Trump cause he’s gonna kick CLintons’ ass. So tell me why Cruz is still running? Isn’t he like several hundred delegates behind Trump right? SO many that Cruz will not come close to the nominatin? So why does Cruz keep running? we should just give the crown to Trump now.



At first glance your query has more to do with the emotions of embarrassment than political analysis. But only at first blush because, as we’ll see, there is a critical element of political calculation behind Cruz’s continuing Sisyphean efforts. To wit, why Cruz is still “in the race”:

  1. Money
  2. Denial/Insanity
  3. Fear of public impotency

Money is always the lead suspect in any criminal enterprise. In the case of Cruz’s ongoing crime spree the cash keeps pouring in from nitwits nation-wide. And though Teddy can’t –in theory– use those millions for personal use 1, he is allowed to donate some or all of the funds to charities or political parties; he can contribute $2000 per election to other candidates; or he can save the money in case he believes America won’t laugh in his face the next time he runs for president.

Saving the money is what politicians always refer to as building their war chest.

Complicating this looting consideration are the Super PACs – what becomes of leftover cash in a PAC is up to itself; they have broad discretion on how they disburse any remaining monies; perhaps to a charity, or to pay outstanding campaign expenses, consulting fees, et al. Sometimes they even return the money. 2

And, depending on state laws, the PAC might be able to contribute to the war chest of state-level pols. Which is another way of saying Cruz’s presidential Super PAC could end up funding his next Senatorial bid.

Fan Mail From Some Flounder

Denial is self-explanatory, as is insanity. And in many cases they are both inherited. That Cruz persists in the delusion that he will become president might be traced back to his father, an OG conservative, religious wingnut of the first stripe. In fact it will not surprise me a whit when Teddy finally reveals the horrendous mental and physical abuse he suffered at the hands of his father during childhood. 3

Fan Mail From Some Flounder

As for the fear of public impotency? Well, look at it this way: Cruz works in an environment where –so it is sad–everyone pretty much hates his guts. He doesn’t play well with others, ridicules his playmates at every chance, and forces his ideas on the group at recess, even to their detriment. In short, he’s a world class asshole.

Now he’s absurdly losing a presidential primary to a political tyro who daily openly mocks him as “Lyin’ Ted”. Now he’s an asshole AND a loser. And he’s got to return back to class with the other kids.

When he fails to secure the GOP nomination the other kids are going to make fun of him for the rest of the time he’s there. In fact, they may escalate from simply picking on and bullying Teddy to outright beating on him like a red-headed stepchild. 4

Couldn’t happen to a more deserving batshit insane prick.


p.s. – y’all having some lead contamination issues in Raytown? I don’t mean to pry, it’s that I worry.

Fan Mail From Some Flounder

Show 4 footnotes

  1. That is, he can’t now. However, up to 1980 it was not only perfectly legal to spend excess money on oneself, Congress as an institution did so in such an over-the-top fashion reformers finally put a halt to the practice.
  2. Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
  3. Nor will I be surprised when Heidi eventually publishes her tell-all, detailing the unlovely things Teddy asked of her. I imagine it will make Mitt’s magic underwear fetish pale in comparison.
  4. Good.

TTIP Leaks

Greenpeace Netherlands has released secret TTIP negotiation documents. We have done so to provide much needed transparency and trigger an informed debate on the treaty. This treaty is threatening to have far reaching implications for the environment and the lives of more than 800 million citizens in the EU and US.

Whether you care about environmental issues, animal welfare, labour rights or internet privacy, you should be concerned about what is in these leaked documents. They underline the strong objections civil society and millions of people around the world have voiced: TTIP is about a huge transfer of power from people to big business.

Download the entire doc here.

Or head over to Greenpeace and grab just the specific chapters you’re interested in.

TTIP Leaks

Guns don’t kill people. Toddlers kill people.

Last year in the United States, toddlers shot themselves or someone else at a rate of about once a week. Through the first four months of 2016, toddler-involved shootings are up nearly 28 percent; since April 20, American toddlers have shot seven people, including a Milwaukee woman who died after sustaining a gunshot wound from her 2-year-old son.

In all, 23 people have been shot by children under 4 years old in 2016, up from 18 at this time last year, the Washington Post reports. In the vast majority of these cases, children accidentally shot themselves: A toddler has fired a bullet into his or her own body 18 times this year. In nine of those cases, the wounds were fatal. Small children have fatally shot other people twice in 2016 — the mother in Milwaukee last week and a 9-year-old boy shot by his younger brother in Alabama in February. These shootings have been concentrated in a handful of states, with Georgia suffering eight since January 2015, while Texas and Mississippi have each seen seven.

Fortunately, there are now more guns in America than human beings. So it shouldn’t be long before the gun-free zones that enable these horrors are finally eliminated.

Guns don't kill people. Toddlers kill people

Fan Mail From Some Flounder

April 30

As an avowed Sanders supporter how can you justify his plan to continue competing in the primaries until the July DNC? Isn’t he doing Hillary’s image more damage than she might be able to weather? I’m sure Trump has people following up on every area where Bernie has dinged her – shouldn’t Bernie just get out now?

D. White
Blue Springs

Dear D,

Let me just put this out there: No one has or can do more damage to Hillary than she has done to herself…over and over again. It’s not even close.

Having said that, I would disagree with the contention that a spirited primary competition is bad for anyone, and certainly not for Democracy per se. What is bad for Democracy is a rigged Superdelegate system that rewards party hacks over ideas. But, hey – that’s cash money already stuffed into DNC officials’ wallets at this point.

To more directly answer your question I believe Sanders’ continued quest is not as quixotic as it appears. And, you know…fuck Trump.

The Bernie dudes and dudettes are a major consideration; without Sanders pointing them Hillary’s way, many will simply stay home. It is conceivable that should enough of them spend their time planning to move to New Zealand rather than voting it could depress Hillary’s turnout enough for her to be, yet again, an also-ran. 1

My money is on Sanders parlaying his supporters into more than additional socialist planks to the party platform. My guess is that fairly soon Sanders will amicably concede to Clinton and that rapidly thereafter the two announce, though they did indeed discuss the Vice Presidency, both Bernie and Hillary felt he would have more impact as Secretary of Commerce (or maybe Labor.) Once Bernie’s (putative) position is announced, Hillary gains a cabinet-level running mate. Which means Bernie will start aggressively stumping for her, unleashing his invective 2 on Trump and, ahem, Carly.

Clinton gets Bernie’s supporters 3 and she gets to select a VP from one of the big swing states.

That’s what I think.

But heed me; this election cycle is more bizarre than 2008’s. And that one had Palin. This election has blitzed along as though it were a continuing episode on South Park.

Anything, and I mean anything, can happen.


Fan Mail From Some Flounder

Show 3 footnotes

  1. Though the “Sanders flight” may well be offset by either Cruz or Kasich running as a third-party candidate; many ReThugs will stay home if it’s Clinton vs. Trump. But they might turn out to vote for Kasich or Cruz as a protest: The ReThugs’ absolute hatred of all things Clinton is so strong otherwise marginally sane pols will cut their own throat if they believe it will thwart a Clinton.
  2. Which is fearsome.
  3. Or at least they don’t actively vote against her; yes, this is a crap-shoot on Hillary’s part, but it’s the only play she’s got.

Au Courant

This week’s au courant links:

And finally, Inversion!

Au Courant

Show 4 footnotes

  1. Sweet Jebus, people: WAKE THE FUCK UP!
  2. Duh.
  3. This is Seymour Hersh we’re talking about, so this should be taken as gospel. As opposed to, ya know, the Gospel, which should be taken with a cow-lick of salt.
  4. Technically, isn’t this really a body transplant?