Piss On John Kasich

The Ohio legislature moved Wednesday to cut off $1.3 million in public health grants to Planned Parenthood in a closely watched vote that could have repercussions for the surging presidential campaign of Gov. John Kasich (R).

The bill, which cleared the Senate last month and passed the House on Wednesday, prohibits the Ohio Department of Health from giving state or federal grants to organizations that conduct or “promote” abortions. Kasich, who placed second in the Republican primary in New Hampshire on Tuesday, has said he would sign the bill

…The measure had been a top priority of antiabortion activists in the state…

The Ohio bill is different in that it targets state and federal programs addressing HIV/AIDS, domestic violence, infant mortality and other problems. Planned Parenthood receives a large percentage of that money every year to administer the programs across the state. Under the new bill, the organization would be barred from administering those programs because of its role as an abortion provider.

A Kasich spokesman said the governor plans to sign the bill, calling it a fiscally responsible move.

And this is supposed to be a “moderate Republican”?

Piss on John Kasich.

Piss On John Kasich

Floria Redux

We published an item last week about Floria, a THC-infused lube/spray for the vajayjay. And, of course, stoners being stoners, herewith is what happens when you drink an entire bottle of the stuff.

I woke up the next morning and cried at my boyfriend about how badly I didn’t want to go to Disneyland, despite the fact that we had no plans to go to Disneyland that day or ever. After calming me down, he tucked me back into bed with a big bag of salt and vinegar potato chips and turned on Gilmore Girls. After hallucinating that Lauren Graham’s face was morphing into Ryan Gosling’s face for just a few seconds at a time, such that nobody besides me had ever noticed, I proceeded to nap for four hours. I woke up with potato chips all over my body, then asked my boyfriend to help wash me off in the shower because I didn’t feel capable of doing that on my own. I also vaguely remember having a mild panic attack about the fact that I didn’t know where our cat was. We don’t have a cat.

The next few days are a blur of snacking and crying. There are 10 text threads on my phone that I don’t remember typing and mysterious empty bags of Cheetos strewn about my apartment.

People, people, people; show some restraint, please. 1
Floria Redux

Show 1 footnote

  1. Although, frankly? Funny as shit…

New Hampshire

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary clinic. As she placed her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m so sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”

The distressed owner wailed, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead,” he replied.

“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something”.

The vet rolled his eyes, then turned round and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador. The duck’s owner looked on in amazement as the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out, returning a few moments later with a cat.

The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the duck from head to foot. The cat sat back on his haunches, shook its head, mewed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely a dead duck”.

Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!” she cried.

The vet shrugged. “I’m sorry. If you had taken my word for it, the bill would have been $50, but I had to add more for the the lab report and cat scan.

Take our word for it: Carson, Christie, Fiorina, ¿JEB? & Kasich are all dead ducks.

New Hampshire

Au Courant

This week’s au courant links, après Flint le déluge edition:

And finally, what the sullen, well dressed bulimic will be wearing this Spring:

Au Courant

Show 1 footnote

  1. Which means the population in Oklahoma, as just one example, may be declining over the next generation. And, of course, the costs of fracking don’t stop there: Wichita, KS, is still trying to figure out how much damage to its public buildings the man-made Oklahoma earthquakes will cost its citizens. Don’t be surprised to see earthquakes-from-fracking lawsuits in the future for damage caused across state lines.

Empty Cities

Unborn Chinese Cities

The Kangbashi District of Ordos, China is a marvel of urban planning, 137-square miles of shining towers, futuristic architecture and pristine parks carved out of the grassland of Inner Mongolia. It is a thoroughly modern city, but for one thing: No one lives there.

…Kangbashi is one of hundreds of sparkling new cities sitting relatively empty throughout China, built by a government eager to urbanize the country but shunned by people unable to afford it or hesitant to leave the rural communities they know. Chicago photographer Kai Caemmerer visited Kangbashi and two other cities for his ongoing series Unborn Cities. The photos capture the eerie sensation of standing on a silent street surrounded by empty skyscrapers and public spaces devoid of life…

Empty Cities

Two Siderism

WASHINGTON — Cable customers who are tired of paying through the nose to rent set-top boxes are about to see some serious savings, thanks to a new proposal from the Federal Communications Commission.

The new regulation would open up the set-top box market to consumer choice so that customers could rent or buy devices from providers other than their cable companies. About 99 percent of cable customers currently rent set-top boxes from their cable company. According to a survey commissioned by Sens. Ed Markey (D-Mass.) and Richard Blumenthal (D-Conn.), cable customers pay an average of $232 a year for those rentals — a $20 billion market annually, just for set-top box rentals…

…Cable companies and their lobbyists are furious about the plan, which the commission is set to vote on Feb. 18. But the proposal didn’t emerge from a vacuum. Liberal senators have been pressuring the FCC to act on cable “monopolies” for months. In July, current Democratic presidential hopeful Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) organized a letter calling on the agency to collect a host of consumer pricing information from cable companies — a move designed to show that in many regions of the country, households pay arbitrarily high prices due to a lack of other cable options. Sens. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.), Al Franken (D-Minn.), Markey and Blumenthal all signed on to the letter.

In a blatant attempt at two siderism, Hillary once told the banks to “cut it out.”

Two Siderism